Welcome And Table Setup

Rob 1:17

Welcome to Matt and Friends Drink the Universe!

Matt 1:24

Welcome back everyone to Matt and Friends Drink the Universe. Today we are doing something a little different. We're going to play a drinking game called Drinking Quest. Ooh. I am going to be the dungeon master. That sounds just weird. Don't you mean Drunkenmaster? Drunkenmaster. Yes, yes. I like that better. We'll explain a little boar. Little boar?

Siobhan 1:43

He is. He's a drunken master.

How Drinking Quest Works

Rob 1:46

Drunkenmaster. Sioban sidekick. Thank you very much, the little boar. There we go. I went full sweet as chef. Yeah.

Matt 1:54

Before we continue on, I'm just going to have my friends introduce themselves so I don't have to talk for the next 30 seconds.

Rob 2:00

On this day, I am Hero Bella Mix. Also known as Rob. Hello. I hate this. I'm not doing a voice, and I'm Chris.

Siobhan 2:08

Hi, I'm Siobhan. I feel like now that Rob has done it, I feel like maybe I should, but I'm Doonworth.

Rob 2:17

Wait, wait, wait, wait. We gotta go back to Chris. Chris, you at least have to say your character name. You don't have to do a voice, but I'm Chuglocks.

Andy 2:25

Okay. And I am Andy, and I will be playing the part of Chilena.

Matt 2:31

Alright, right. So if you've never heard of Drinking Quest before, this is a role-playing Dungeons and Dragons loosely styled game. You pick your character from some pre-made options. You also get a signature drink, and we are playing the Belch of the Wild edition, which is obviously a little riff on the Zelda game. And for this newer edition, you also get to pink an annoying sidekick. So this is a new mechanic that we haven't played with. This group that is playing today has played this many times. We started playing back during the COVID-19 horrificness as a way to unwind on Saturday nights, and we quickly realized that this is not a game that you want to bring heavy drinks to. You will drink a lot. One of the main mechanics is to revive your character, you must finish your drink. The rules say you're only supposed to do that once per round. You can, as with any game, loosely interpret how that goes.

Rob 3:25

We did not follow those rules. No, not at all.

Matt 3:28

We'll play it the way we want. Yep. All right. That's right. House rules. Last time I played with this, my health potion was a bottle of Jaeger.

Rob 3:35

I also don't remember the voice I was doing for this girl, so sorry. That's not going to be continuous. My continuity is going to be different every time.

Andy 3:45

I think I was somewhere having a canon anymore.

Siobhan 3:48

All right.

Matt 3:49

I don't very Muppet sounding.

Andy 3:51

Thank you.

Characters And Sidekicks Introduced

Matt 3:53

So this is a dice game. Each of the players have a unique attack, a unique level of defense. There is a store that you can buy clothing and power-ups from. You can also buy the ability to make other people drink from that store as well. I'm going to read the prompting cards here. And Rob has already rolled. He will be first. Then we're going to go right down the line and we're going to see how this ends up.

Rob 4:16

Matt, would you like us to introduce our sidekicks as well? Yeah, let's go for it. Okay. Um, so Bellamyx has her lovely sidekick. Fleurhop!

Siobhan 4:29

I hate this.

Rob 4:30

Yeah. Good lord. Chuglocks is uh questing today with Bjorn Bloodpaw, which I wish, listeners, you could see this artwork. He's a weasel in full armor, and he looks amazing.

Siobhan 4:44

It's like red wall style. Yes, it's very cool. Uh Dilworth is hanging out with Boar Regard.

Rob 4:50

The Boar.

Siobhan 4:51

Yep.

Andy 4:52

Okay. And Chelina, the cold cleric, is rolling around with Barrel. The Beryl. Barrel of Pain.

Matt 5:04

Oh. Damn.

Rob 5:07

Very exciting.

Matt 5:08

So we're gonna hop right into it here. Rob, first card for you. Yes. Beers of the Kingdom. Beers of the Kingdom. Beers are falling from the sky. Incredible. Oh no. The glass from these beers is cutting holes in your body. Grudgingly fight off these falling beers. They have three health. Their attack is a D4 plus one. I will be rolling on behalf of the beers in this case. And the way this is supposed to work is we are both supposed to roll a D6 to see who attacks first.

Round One Starts With Chaos

Rob 5:39

I see. Okay. I have a D6. Go right ahead. Oh, well, that's good for me. That was a one. Spoiled by the couple. And a four for me. Spoiled by a microphone cable. Alright. I'm attacking first. D4 plus one. Here we are. That's a one. That's a two because that's a one plus one. So my attack is a two. Alright. Where's the math button, bruh? Get the hell out of here. Oh, he had it on the right page. We're talking about numbers.

Matt 6:11

New year. That one still cracks. I'm back on it. Here we go. Alright. D4 plus one.

Siobhan 6:16

Oh, that's a five.

Rob 6:18

Not gonna lie. I believe I'm dead. Well, this was fun. See you guys. So hold on.

Matt 6:25

Um, what does the bellow ale do for me again? That allows you to come back. Yes, you roll your uh you roll a d6 and you come back with whatever you roll on the d6 worth of health.

Rob 6:38

Oh interesting, even though my original health was something different.

Andy 6:42

I doubt you can go beyond your max.

Rob 6:43

Yeah, you could roll a five, but you would go to your max of four. Okay. Or maybe three. Well, my max health from the original card is a five, but I'm minus two HP from my sidekick. So is it just minus two from whatever I roll? Yeah. All right, so I'm gonna come back with my bell-o ale, please and thank you, with uh a one. Christ. All right. Um I'm alive. Do I also get an attack, or was that my turn to attack?

Matt 7:10

Zombie U gets an attack. Three!

Rob 7:13

A three. I'm dead. Which is a four.

Siobhan 7:15

Yes! Hooray!

Matt 7:16

Or three. That gives you 35 gold and two experience points. Oh my god. He's rich.

Siobhan 7:23

Just barely.

Rob 7:24

Two XP. Very good. I really wish we would have had the ones recorded from Oh, that would especially the one he did for your birthday.

Andy 7:32

Yeah, that was a good one.

Rob 7:33

We did, yeah.

Andy 7:34

I don't think that would translate well to podcast because all the inside jokes, but that was so good.

Matt 7:38

Yeah. There was, I did do a custom campaign of this for Chris's birthday. I did one also called Battle of the Bands. That was all like if you're a starting off. Did we play that? Yes, we did. Yeah.

Siobhan 7:47

We did not remember that. Probably because you died and you had to bring your baby back to life.

Matt 7:52

I don't know. No, he had to be because I definitely had cards that reference things that happened when Rob and I were bands in the city. That's fair. Alright, this card, Chris, and I'm so happy that as a fellow Zelda player, I get to read this one to you. Chickens! Solid. Just to see what happens, you swing your weapon at a chicken.

Rob 8:08

I would not be as foolish.

Matt 8:10

It is hilariously inconvenienced. You continue whacking away until all of his chicken buddies swarm you with beaky fury. These chicken give no clucks. The chickens are attacking with a D4. You and I need to roll to see who goes first.

Rob 8:29

What are we rolling? A D6 for a roll. Good Christ. Oh no, the chickens get a six. It's always the chickens. Oh Lord. Also, real quick, before we get too deep into this turn, I need every person that I've killed because I'm a necromancer and I can bring them back to fight in my stead. Yo, that's six. Alright, Matt, you're rolling first for attack. Three plus one, which is a four. Nope. This is just he's just a d4. Just a d4. Sorry, that's my bad. Okay, so I'm down to three left. The chickens again give no clucks. And I get a four plus one. That is a five damage. F your chickens.

Matt 9:11

F your chickens? Chickens dead. You get 25 coin and one experience point. Noise.

Rob 9:18

Yo, hit me with the how 25 golden how much XP? One.

Matt 9:22

Now remember, when you hit five XP in this game, you can buy the mead and make somebody else drink.

Rob 9:31

Oh.

Matt 9:31

Oh.

Rob 9:33

All right, Sivan, you're up.

Siobhan 9:35

I am. What's happening?

Matt 9:37

Mom Jeans Cuthuloo.

Siobhan 9:39

Amazing. Cthulhu?

Matt 9:41

Cthulhu, sorry.

Siobhan 9:44

I was like, Cthulhu.

Andy 9:45

Because I'm like, what?

Siobhan 9:47

Yeah. That was actually a decent attempt. To be fair, Cthulhu is a very difficult thing to say if you don't know that what it is. Mom jeans.

Matt 9:54

Cthulhu. You have never been so attracted to an otherworldly entity. Well a saving throw for sexual prowess. Oh. Success. You get to know each other really well and you find 50 coins in her jeans. Add one pair of mom jeans to your character sheet, which might come in handy later. Failure, you lose your grip on your sanity and lose negative one to all of your saving throws. You are not sure if it's the genes or the cosmic horror.

Siobhan 10:22

So what is the saving throw? Tell me. Tell me how that goes.

Matt 10:26

So the saving throw, you pick up all three dice, the six, the four, the six, and the ten, and you must roll under the number that you have for sexual prowess on your character card. You must roll equal to or less than.

Siobhan 10:39

My sexual prowess is 12 because I have a minus two from Beauregard, who's killing me over here. All right. That's a 14.

Matt 10:47

Negative ghostwriter.

Siobhan 10:48

So that's a no. So I'm sorry. I lose. What do I hire?

Matt 10:51

You lose a negative one on all of your saving throws. They're all down one point. In this game, that's actually a pretty shitty thing to have.

Siobhan 10:59

I love a mom jean. That's such a bummer.

Matt 11:01

Well, squid in mom jeans. Andy. Um, Chilena, thank you. Sorry? Chilena? We got for you a calamity cocktail. Ooh. Mixing a drink. You're surprised to see it's taken on a life of its own. It was a bad idea to steal ingredients from the forbidden bar fridge. This is the worst drink you have ever made. This thing's got four health and attacks with a D6.

Andy 11:27

Okay. So we're rolling a D6 to see.

Siobhan 11:32

Oh, that's a one.

Andy 11:33

The villain has gotten a one. Alright, I can I can beat that. You hope. We've got a six. We're starting strong.

Siobhan 11:42

There you go.

Matt 11:43

You must roll first. What is your attack over there? My attack is a d6. Right in the middle. Three. I got one health left over here. I'm rolling with a d6 also. That's a one. That's a one. Alright. So I take one hit point.

Andy 11:58

Yep. Correct.

Rob 11:59

And a one gets you a win here.

Andy 12:02

Well, so I win.

Matt 12:05

This is gonna be a six. Four.

Siobhan 12:06

Alright.

Saving Throws And Weird Encounters

Matt 12:07

That'll give you 55 coin and one experience point. Coming back around to Rob. No one has used their special drink yet. Right. Rob, this is a balloon ride. Doesn't sound so horrible. You go for hot air balloon ride. Well a saving throw-up for tolerance to see if you can hold in all this wine you've been drinking. Success, you share some wine with a pigeon who returns a small bag containing 40 coins, and you get one experience for not dying. Failure, you get air sick, but also at the same time get sick from drinking too much wine, lose 4 HP from throwing up and vertigo. 11 and my tolerance is 13. Woo! I win. You do win indeed. That is 40 coins and 1 XP for you. Nice.

Siobhan 12:54

Rude.

Matt 12:55

Okay. Awesome. Moving over to Chris. And keeping in mind the shop is available for you if you'd like to buy anything. The card here, helpful old man. And it looks like uh Rome Bosforama's hayroll from the beginning of Breath of the Wild. Yes, sir. Um out of nowhere, a helpful old man shows up with uh two four packs. Uh he tries to give you a useful tutorial on how to drink beer, but you hate tutorials and fight him for his beer. Gain a bellow ale if you defeat this old man. He's got three health, he's rolling with a d6, no defense. We roll in for first. We're rolling for first.

Siobhan 13:29

It's a five.

Chris 13:30

Man.

Siobhan 13:31

I have a five as well.

Matt 13:33

Alright. What happens with ties? Uh actually they go to the hero.

Siobhan 13:37

Oh, there you go.

Matt 13:37

Oh heck yeah. Alright.

Siobhan 13:39

Attack.

Matt 13:40

Slap one. So you take two. I take two. I can't say it.

Rob 13:47

I take two.

Siobhan 13:48

Two.

Rob 13:49

I'm still at one HP. Second attack. Yeah.

Siobhan 13:55

Two.

Rob 13:55

I'm dead. Hooray. Take that, old man. One question. What does the what does defense do? It would minus his at his attacks.

Matt 14:05

Yeah, so if I like I rolled a six, I would only do five damage.

Rob 14:08

How high is your defense that you didn't pay attention to? One. Okay. Just one. Alright. So I still would have died. You would have died, yeah. Yeah. No, we're we're good. I just I just wanted to know. And he has didn't call the arrows. Thank you. Other than the the whatever ale that I just got, did I get any gold or XP? Okay. Jesus.

Siobhan 14:26

Okay. Good Christ.

Matt 14:28

Disturbing on multiple levels. Okay.

Rob 14:31

My guy. Other than the ale I earned, do I earn any gold or XP from slapping an old man?

Matt 14:37

Yeah. You get 25 gold and two XP for two XP. Two. That's a lot of XP. Which if we're going to do it. If we're going by game lore, is you technically slapped the ghost of an old man, but we will try two. That's okay. Still counts. Siobhan. Yeah. Rum raccoon. Ooh. An adorable forest creature has stolen a bottle of your favorite homemade rum. You are not a fan of raccoons, but they're creepy little human-like hands. They're just the worst.

Siobhan 15:04

Yeah. What? So I have to fight it?

Matt 15:09

You are?

Rob 15:10

Uh he rolled a four.

Siobhan 15:12

He's got a four.

Matt 15:13

And I'm fighting with a D4.

Siobhan 15:16

Alright. I need a D4.

Matt 15:17

That is not a D4. That is a D10. We'll triangle.

Siobhan 15:23

Alright.

Matt 15:24

For the listeners at home. That's a four plus one is a five. Yeah.

Siobhan 15:29

Alright, I get listen. I don't I'm not here for animal cruelty, but he was being a bitch.

Matt 15:35

Alright.

Siobhan 15:36

Now what?

Matt 15:37

What do I get? You get 20 coins and one experience point. Noise.

Siobhan 15:42

Money. Other than that, Mom Jean's Cthulhu.

Andy 15:45

Chilena.

Siobhan 15:46

Secret?

Andy 15:47

Sorry.

Matt 15:49

Oh what? Wow. That is her name. Okay. Secret recipe. You make camp and decide to try out Mom's recipe for deep fried beer pints. Roll a saving throw for smarts. If you're successful, you gain a delicious deep fried bellow ale, which will restore you to maximum HP. Also gain one XP for being a master chef.

Rob 16:13

How does one deep fry an ale?

Siobhan 16:15

We're not asking.

Andy 16:16

It's a secret.

Chris 16:17

Okay.

Andy 16:18

Secret recipe. Alright, so tell me again for a saving throw. You roll all three. Roll all three.

Siobhan 16:23

And it has to be, and it's for smarts. So it has to be under less than your smarts.

Andy 16:27

So I'm trying to get under 10. Uh nine. God speed. The barrel. Barrel brings me down. So eight.

Matt 16:37

We are at eleven.

Siobhan 16:40

Yep.

Matt 16:41

Failure. The glass explodes in your face. This was ill-advised from the beginning. Your mom was hardcore. Lose six HP. Oh good God.

Siobhan 16:50

Oh my god. Are you still alive?

Andy 16:53

I'm good. How are you alive? I have nine. Wow. Good God. This guy started with seven and barrel the barrel gives me a plus two to HP. Oh, they okay. Yeah. I took six, you said? You took six. All right. Can I like a champ? Use barrel the barrel's ability, which is once per game. Barrel can protect your hero and avoid any damage from an attack. Does that count as an attack?

Signature Drinks And Near Deaths

Matt 17:19

Yeah, that would have counted as an attack, yeah. Alright. I'm gonna I'm gonna use barrel the barrel's ability.

Siobhan 17:25

Okay, nice. Ah, six HP.

Matt 17:27

Well done.

Siobhan 17:28

Intense.

Matt 17:28

Yes. There was a hilarious moment Chris and I were discussing earlier. Him and I played the very first, so there's multiple versions of this game. We played the very first one. He had we had no idea what we were doing. And we came across a card that was basically rolled to avoid a loose plank on a pirate ship. And Chris took the plank to the face, killed him like right off the bat in the first game we played, and it was very cartoonish and hilarious.

Rob 17:52

Well, similar to Rob, this game, I think it was the first card we drew, and we thought, oh, it's just a pirate board. It'll be no problem. And then it did six damage, it was ridiculous.

Matt 18:03

Yeah. Yeah.

Rob 18:03

Alright, Rob, you're up. I'm ready.

Matt 18:05

Mead meeple. Everyone knows that a meeple is a cross between a marshmallow and a weasel. One of the meeples in this forest clearing has gotten into the mead and is attacking other meeples. Mash the mean mead meeple. Well, that was hard to say. That was a lot of literature.

Rob 18:22

How many uh no. I'll play it back later. How many HP does this meeple have? He got two. Two? He does have one defense. One defense. Okay. I would like to enact my necromancer's nectar and have the Beers of the Kingdom destroy the meeple. Okay. Okay. So the Beers of the Kingdoms come back with their three HP points. Um I'm still rolling a D4 plus one for my attack. Does does my character's defense do anything for this?

Matt 18:54

Nope.

Rob 18:54

Okay. Um, if this dies, I also die. Whoa. Like that is that is the power that I have. If my monster dies, though, I die. Asbella!

Matt 19:06

Well, I just rolled a one, so you're gonna get to attack first. I have rolled a four.

Siobhan 19:10

Matt rolled a one, so.

Rob 19:12

Alright, Beers of the Kingdom. Don't let me down. Roll uh one.

Matt 19:19

Roll uh one. Oh nice. That's a dead meeple. The poor meeple. That's 40 coins and one experience point for you.

Siobhan 19:27

Oh. Does that guy stay resurrected now?

Rob 19:30

No, I can only use that one time. Okay. Who's gonna shop? I have the shop. May I buy on this turn or may I wait until the next turn? You're supposed to buy at the beginning of your turn. Okay. Passing the show. Oh, is it beginning? I thought it was end of turn. Beginning of turn. Oh, okay. That's fine.

Siobhan 19:48

Do you need to buy something, Chris? No, I don't know.

Rob 19:50

I'm sorry.

Siobhan 19:51

I'm sorry. Chug locks.

Rob 19:52

No, I don't I don't have enough money for what I want yet.

Siobhan 19:55

Okay.

Rob 19:55

I want to get a piece of armor, but I need 75. Alright, what do we got, Matt?

Matt 20:01

We got treasure chest.

Rob 20:04

It's a mimic, I know it.

Matt 20:06

You open a treasure chest and find a perfectly good meat skewer. Roll a saving throw for self-worth.

Rob 20:12

Okay.

Matt 20:13

Success. You put the meat skewer in your pocket to be eaten later, which can restore up to 5 HP. Failure. You accidentally stab yourself in the face with this cure and lose 5 HP. It is a 10?

Various 20:25

Yes.

Rob 20:26

Okay. Saving throw of self-worth. And I have 10. Here we go. Is that? I thought that the that's an eight, right? Oh balls. I rolled 11. You have stabbed yourself in the face with the meat skewer. Of course I did.

Matt 20:41

And you lose five points.

Rob 20:42

Alright, I'm gonna roll a D6 uh roll drinking my my ale. Because I died.

Siobhan 20:49

What is it? Oh. The bellow's ale.

Rob 20:52

Yeah. And I get one back. I'm with you, Rob here. Hey. Yes, I am currently sitting in a one with my regular character.

Matt 21:01

Zombified Chris. Not bad, not bad. Siobhan, for you we have a whiskey guardian. So for anybody who's played Breath of the Wild, it's it's the Guardian from Breath of the Wild. You just had to test the limits of where you could explore and found a huge boss that is much too strong for you to fight. But you're feeling pretty good after drinking some homemade potato vodka, so maybe you can pull this off. The irony of you drinking a vodka in club soda right now. Indeed. So, six health points, and this thing's rolling a d8. We got no defense.

Siobhan 21:36

Good God.

Matt 21:37

I wish I had the sound effect for the guardian attacking you.

Siobhan 21:40

We do need you have to add that in post, maybe.

Rob 21:45

Lucky for all of you, I can't roll to attack first. But that means you win.

Siobhan 21:49

Yes, I win. Heroes win. I win.

Rob 21:51

Heroes win. I need the D8, though. D eight this way.

Matt 21:54

Assuming Siobhan does not roll a six right off the bat.

Siobhan 21:57

I need a G4, and I'm doing it.

Matt 22:02

I got one health point left. Wow.

Chris 22:05

Wow.

Matt 22:05

Brutal.

Rob 22:06

And with one mighty swing, the whiskey guardian. Oh, I'm dead. There's an eight.

Siobhan 22:12

God.

Matt 22:15

What's your sidekick do? Uh you must technically finish your drink. Well, I do revive Zysa.

Siobhan 22:21

Once per game, I can run away from a losing battle. Peace out.

Rob 22:25

Oh later.

Siobhan 22:27

Peace out. Do I still take the HP hit or no? I'm running away. I'm good. Peace out. Peace out. Thanks, Beauregard. This game used to be a lot more brutal.

Andy 22:39

You see me escaping? All right. Yes. Hey, can you remind me what does the um the signature drink do?

Matt 22:46

The signature drink you can use once per game. It is like your special power up power.

Siobhan 22:52

Yeah, it's whatever it says.

Rob 22:54

Oh, that's what this card is.

Siobhan 22:55

That's what that one is. Yeah. And it tells you what you can do.

Round One Wrap And Reset

Andy 22:57

Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. So my signature drink is. The unicorn brandy. Which once per quest uh no, this is not for the right character. Oh I thought it was. Math. Blonde hair girl. I told you, white hair girl. White hair girl.

Siobhan 23:12

He needs the frosty brew.

Rob 23:14

Yeah. Frosty brew. Hold please.

Andy 23:25

Now I've got a frosty brew. That's a big drink. Once per quest, Chelina can either heal herself three hit points or heal all players one hit point.

Rob 23:35

Oh my god.

Siobhan 23:36

She's a cleric. That's her deal.

Rob 23:38

Yep. Will you be gracious?

Matt 23:44

So this is Gary, a fearless lich. Mathematically, it's better to heal four points than just three. Gary, a fearless lich. Gary is a bare minimum lich that does just enough to still qualify as a monster you have to fight. He has two HP and a D6 attack. Gary's a basic lich.

Siobhan 24:02

Gary. Oh my god. He before he came, he got a PSL.

Andy 24:07

Yeah, definitely likes pumpkin spice latte.

Siobhan 24:09

He loves Cachue, Pepe, and Caesar salads. And Chris.

Matt 24:15

Roll the two.

Andy 24:17

I got a three. You're up first. Woo woo. Alright, how much hit points you got? Two. Two. Oh, you're about to murder. Don't roll a one. Oh, that was close to a one.

Matt 24:31

It's a six.

Andy 24:32

Oh.

Matt 24:33

That'll be 40 gold for you. Hot and one experience point. All right. Peace out, game.

Andy 24:38

I'm up to 95 gold.

Rob 24:40

Wait, can I ask? Did you did you enact your frosty brew or no? I did not. Okay. Is everybody down at least one? Well, there I'm at one level. I'm there at one HP each.

Siobhan 24:51

So I'm good, but did you just refill?

Rob 24:54

Oh no, you ran away. I remember now.

Matt 24:56

Oh, yeah, I know I ran away.

Rob 24:57

Yep.

Matt 24:58

So that is the end of round one.

Rob 25:00

All right. Oh my god.

Matt 25:02

Yeah.

Various 25:03

All right.

Matt 25:03

Oh. We wrecked them. You will heal back to full strength.

Siobhan 25:08

To full HP. Are saving throws still affected?

Matt 25:10

Your savers saving throw are still the same as they were. They do not restore. Poop.

Siobhan 25:15

Okay.

Shopping Phase And Quest Two

Matt 25:16

I'm gonna I'm gonna buy a horny helmet before we do this, though. All right. We are on to round two. So quest two. So for drinking quest, each overall campaign has three mini quests in between. We are now going on to two. The monsters get harder. Their defense goes through our ditch.

Siobhan 25:36

Well, okay.

Matt 25:37

Good lord.

Siobhan 25:38

Jesus Christ.

Matt 25:39

That's aggressive. That stays in. That's yeah, that's staying in. So there it is.

Siobhan 25:45

Well, clearly it sounds like it would. What a good time we have here. It was a good job.

Matt 25:58

All right. So along with that, all of your health goes back up to max, and your special drinks get restored for this round as well. Now, there are some that are indicated that they're one-time powers for the entire game. So Rob had one of those, I believe. That's now gone.

Siobhan 26:17

I also had that. So my running away from a losing battle is only once per game.

Matt 26:22

Way to save that for the really hard creatures coming at you right now. Good job.

Siobhan 26:25

Well, I mean, mine was pretty rough. Trade future proof. That guardian was rough.

Rob 26:30

All right, Rob. Before I go, I would like to use my coins. Welcome, traveler. I see you have coins to spend.

Various 26:39

Oh.

Rob 26:40

Yes. Yes. I have 105 coins. Welcome to my shop. I have 150. I have 115 coins. I'm sorry. Jesus God. I have 115 coins. We're talking about numbers. And I'm actually unfortunately five short of what I wanted to buy, which was the sexy staff. So I'm going to go with uh instead the horny helmet for plus one of defense and minus 75 coins.

Matt 27:14

Okay. So, Rob, your card, and I'm going to try my best to get through this without laughing. How the sausage is made. Yeah, tell me about it. You open the wrong door and see the secret to how wieners are made. It chills you to your bone the bone of your soul. As it turns out, soul bones are also an ingredient in wieners. You must now fight man-made horrors beyond your comprehension. How many HP? Only two, but attacks with a D8.

Rob 27:44

Oh shit. Okay. Roll to see who goes first. That's on the ground. It's on the ground. Or is it? I don't know if it counts. It's a four on the ground, but I think it needs to remain on the tack on the table. That's fair.

Siobhan 27:57

No, yeah, we want it. Yeah. Three. Three. That's even better.

Andy 28:01

Yeah, pull on it. Spit on it.

Siobhan 28:04

Ew. Six. Yeah, baby! Disgusting. And now it has COVID.

Rob 28:09

Rob is fighting the sausage. And I now have two defense. Thank you very much. And here we go. That is a three plus one. That is a four.

Matt 28:20

The sausage is dead.

Rob 28:21

Yes. And I will take that because my necromancer nectar has refreshed as well. And the sausage may come back later. You don't know.

Andy 28:31

What is this? Oh, this quest.

Rob 28:34

Yes, I got another XP, which now takes me to five XP. Uh Matt's dying to my left.

Siobhan 28:41

Matt died and I got 25 gold.

Matt 28:44

I can't. I couldn't process the next title of this. I wasn't expecting it. But the the quest two is called.

Rob 28:50

Use a weird voice when you read this, please.

Siobhan 28:51

Can you weird it up?

Matt 28:53

The quest two is called the wiener factory.

Siobhan 28:55

Ew.

Andy 28:57

Go on.

Siobhan 28:58

That's the best part is that. That voice. That voice was only factory. That was only kind of weird.

Matt 29:07

I can do this if you want. Covered in wieners. You walk by a shelf full of perfectly stacked wieners, but slip on some loose gelatin casing. Bro. The impact from the fall causes the wieners to comically fall on you. You need to fight your way out. Well, thank God it's comical.

Rob 29:25

I love how these always make you the stupidest decision maker in the whole world. Matt rolls a five for attack first. Oh, it for that you, bro.

Siobhan 29:35

Yeah. Yeah.

Rob 29:36

Chris gets a two. Hang on. I'm gonna use my special power, which allows me to re-roll for initiative. Roll uh one. Once per game, win win initiative. No, I just win initiative.

Siobhan 29:47

Oh, there you go. So you won. Okay. You get it.

Rob 29:52

It's Bjorn. My weasel. It's Bjorn. Yeah. Uh what how much health do you have? Three. Hell yeah. All right, here we go. A six! Yeah.

Matt 30:03

Suck it, Wieners. 30 gold, one XP for Chris. 30 gold, one XP. Alright. Man. Yeah. This is depressing. I need somebody to dive. I'm very concerned if the next card is gonna be another wiener card. It's gonna be me. What is going on?

Siobhan 30:20

Okay.

Matt 30:21

Wiener machine. Great. The off button is jammed on the wiener machine. Wieners are whipping everywhere at extreme speeds. Find this wicked wiener whirler.

Siobhan 30:32

Oh wicked wiener whirler. That's where I went in college.

Matt 30:37

The wiener machine has six HP and attacks with a D6.

Siobhan 30:40

I in the hell a four.

Rob 30:44

We always found that the second round in this game is way too difficult for Wiener. Three frick. Oh yeah, you attack with a D6. The Wiener Machine hits you with a four.

Siobhan 30:57

Alright, a four. I'm at a five, so fine. I don't.

Matt 31:02

Oh, this thing also has one defense. So six health and a defense. Good God.

Chris 31:06

Oh.

Siobhan 31:06

Well, I'm not. I haven't attacked yet. Let me just look at my lemons. That sounded like a thing. No, it's not. It's I have I have a bag of lemons. Maybe step out of the room and do that in front of it. Stop it. I'm gonna see what I need to do with these lemons, and then we'll we'll figure it out. That's a two, and I get a three, but I can use a lemon and it deals an automatic point of damage. What's your HP?

Matt 31:33

Six plus defense of one.

Siobhan 31:35

All right, well.

Matt 31:36

So that is the three. I take two. I have four HP left.

Siobhan 31:40

Well, no, because I have four lemons. You wouldn't know.

Matt 31:44

You're gonna throw multiple lemons. I sure can.

Siobhan 31:46

I could use all the lemons.

Andy 31:48

And I would think if it's automatically damage, that would scale negates the defense.

Rob 31:53

Agreed.

Siobhan 31:54

Yeah, it says automatic point of damage.

Rob 31:56

And you're um but you still wouldn't you still wouldn't defeat him because that's four, but he has three. Oh, you have a plus one. Yes, I have a plus one.

Siobhan 32:06

And actually, no, actually wait! I have a plus two because Warregard gives you a plus two, so that's a four. So I actually only have to use three lemons.

Rob 32:17

How much HP?

Siobhan 32:18

Like just well, he took me down to one.

Rob 32:20

Oh, he took you down to one.

Siobhan 32:22

Yeah.

Rob 32:22

I think it's dead.

Siobhan 32:23

I killed you.

Matt 32:25

All right. You get 60 coin and three XP for a whole lot. You have one lemon.

Siobhan 32:29

I still have one lemon.

Matt 32:30

So, Siobhan, do you have five XP now?

Siobhan 32:33

Hold on. What how many XP did I get?

Matt 32:35

Three.

Siobhan 32:36

No, I have four.

Matt 32:37

I have five. You can make somebody else drink if you would like. For what purpose? What does that do for me? It makes you happy.

Siobhan 32:43

You get the meeple.

Rob 32:44

Oh. Well, okay. In the future, we should do that. We'll come back around to my turn and I'll ask my question.

Siobhan 32:49

Can I check how many coins did I get from that? Please.

Rob 32:54

60.

Siobhan 32:54

Oh, thank you.

Rob 32:55

Zero. Good gravy.

Matt 32:57

Chelena. Yes. Nice buns. They are. Yeah. You have some really nice buns. True. Soon everyone wants them, and you have to fight off a swarm of random people who are trying to grab your buns. Keep your hands off my buns, you stream. Wow. This is a creature card. So four HP, attacks with a D6, no defense. Alright. See who's going first.

Siobhan 33:22

Oh, also, I'm just calling out that you have this frosty brew. And so if you wanted to heal all of us, or me, that would be great. All the rest of them are fine.

Rob 33:32

That's a one for the monster.

Siobhan 33:34

Okay, go ahead.

Rob 33:35

What are you rolling? Well, it doesn't matter because even if it is a one, the hero tag goes to the hero.

Andy 33:41

We got a two. All right. Alright. Here we go. What are you attacking? Roll away. We are attacking with a D6. Alright. Oh. Just a one.

Siobhan 33:48

It's a one.

Andy 33:49

Diaper stream.

Matt 33:50

Alright, I'm down to three. That's a two.

Siobhan 33:54

All right.

Andy 33:55

I have a defensive one, so I only take one. One. It's a medieval slap fight. Oh, five.

Siobhan 34:01

Five. You did?

Matt 34:03

I did. Kicked him right in the buns. You got all the bones.

Siobhan 34:08

Right between the buns.

Meeples Drinks And More Wieners

Matt 34:09

I don't want none because you got buns. You get 40 coins and one XP. Alright. Alright. So now.

Andy 34:17

Who all is down at least one hit point?

Rob 34:19

Uh currently I'm not down any.

Siobhan 34:21

Yeah, no, you don't. It's just me that's suffering. We'll hold them because I'll. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. We're down one. We'll hold. Yep. Yep. It's just me being sad.

Rob 34:29

Alright. Now, before my turn, Matthew, my 5 XP gets me what? A card?

Siobhan 34:34

No, the meatball.

Matt 34:34

It's an interlude for Rob's series of questions. You can, yes, you get the meeple so you can make somebody drink.

Siobhan 34:42

You gotta read the whole paragraph. But you get like that.

Matt 34:44

I'll give you the summation. You can pick that up, give it to somebody, and then the next round, next quest we do, they're supposed to be able to give it to somebody else to make them to drink. It starts around Robin type thing.

Rob 34:54

Alright, your your drink looks close to finished. Siobhan, I meeple you.

Siobhan 34:57

Oh, you're gonna help her? No, it doesn't help. It's bad, isn't it?

Matt 35:01

No, it just makes you drink. That's the point of the cake. That's fine. That's why we're playing it.

Andy 35:05

I think there should be something more mechanical to that.

Rob 35:07

I know. That's that's why I was saying we gotta figure something out for next time.

Siobhan 35:11

Scary. Oh! He has two faces. He's like, err. And then he's like, err. Harvey Face. What did you do with scary face? That's so good. Those are so good.

Andy 35:23

I love Pete Holman's. All right. Scary face. Shabon finished your dream face.

Siobhan 35:28

So making them chug, but now that player can give it out next quest. Okay. Good to know.

Matt 35:33

Oh no. Andy. No, it's me. No, it's not Andy. Andy just Weenie. You mix up a delicious wiener drink. Roll a saving throw for tolerance. Success. This drink was perfectly mixed, and you feel godlike. Your skin turns a sallow pink, and you gain plus one natural armor from all the wiener nutrients. Ew. Failure. Your insides don't agree with this drink at all. You start throwing up various animal parts, and you're saying a saving throw of your choice is reduced by no, that's a six.

Rob 36:11

And I have a talent of 13.

Siobhan 36:13

Oh, hell yeah. All right, good job.

Rob 36:15

Is great. All right, so what am I gaining? I'm gaining defense. You gain one natural armor from all the wiener nutrients that you have. Is it defense? Defense. Defense. Okay. Thank you.

Siobhan 36:26

I love how he's so concerned about that. And we're all like, Wiener powers! Like, you get the wiener nutrients. He's like, can you guys tell me what's actually happening?

Matt 36:34

That's it. You get plus one from all the wiener nutrients you just ate. Wait, wait, wait. I get no coin from the wieners? No, you had you just drank a wiener teeny and got all the nutrients from the wiener card, bruh.

Siobhan 36:49

You have to get on OnlyFans to get coins from the Wieners. Okay? We all know the deal. All right?

Rob 36:54

It's only cans in this game, please, and thank you.

Siobhan 36:58

I have lemons.

Rob 36:59

Only lemons.

Siobhan 37:01

The fact that wiener nutrients are not in the new dietary guidelines was a big miss, everybody. Flipped the pyramid. They flipped the pyramid, but they didn't include wiener nutrients.

Matt 37:11

Oh, Chris. What's happening? I'm sure that they have.

Siobhan 37:14

It's beef tallow wiener nutrients.

Matt 37:16

Chris, for you, we have the wien holder. Okay. All right. All right. Behold an eyeball. Ew. Creature with eight wiener stalks with an eyeball at each end. It shoots you for the genet blast. I looked at the illustration.

Siobhan 37:32

I need to see it.

Rob 37:35

He's just not prepared. It looks like Krang with a bunch of dicks coming out of his head.

Siobhan 37:39

No.

Andy 37:39

Oh, that's a beholder.

Siobhan 37:41

It's a bewiener.

Andy 37:42

A dick holder.

Siobhan 37:44

What is it called? I'm sorry.

Rob 37:45

The wean holder. There it is.

Siobhan 37:47

There you go. Andy with the actual DD knowledge on this one.

Rob 37:52

What is happening? Alright.

Siobhan 37:53

You're being attacked by the ween holder.

Matt 37:56

By the ween holder. Alright, roll for initiative. Go ahead. A living satchel of Richards is what is attacking you right now.

Rob 38:03

Alright, I also rolled a three, so. AKA a bag of dicks.

Siobhan 38:08

A satchel of Richards.

Rob 38:10

Alright, you're taking uh two damage.

Matt 38:13

Alright, that takes me down to four, and I'm attacking with a D6. I also oh no, I'm sorry. That takes me down to three because I have defensive one.

Chris 38:22

Two.

Matt 38:23

Two.

Rob 38:24

Okay, I'm down to four. Ha pow!

Beholders Wizards And Cthulhu Rolls

Matt 38:29

You take five. I take five. You're dead. I'm dead. Yeah. 30 coins and two XP. I have yet to kill anybody and it's very frustrating. 30 coins.

Rob 38:38

Oh fuck. I meant to buy a fucking thing, that thing. Sorry. You wanted to buy a wien holder? No. No? No. No, I wanted to buy No. Okay, moving on.

Siobhan 38:50

Get out. No, it's too late. I can't. You have to do it the next turn.

Matt 38:54

Shabon. Yeah. The Wiener Mancer. Oh. That sounds cool. You are accosted by a terrifying wiener wizard. You watch in horror as she gathers random objects from around the room, turning them into wieners. She violently hurls the wieners at you, but you can only keep eating them for so long. Jesus.

Siobhan 39:14

Aw, that's fair. Listen. There's a threshold, okay? One defense. We can't run train for a long time. It's like the Midas cuck. One D. We're screaming. Who's watching? Who's watching? Who's watching?

Matt 39:44

I don't roll for it next time.

Siobhan 39:45

That bitch is watching. Matt is so uncomfortable. It's great. No, that was not real. No, that wasn't. That was not a good thing. It's as real as anything else I've rolled. Throw that like that bitch is throwing wieners. Let's get it. No.

Various 39:57

Three. How does he do this?

Siobhan 40:00

He throws the dice. Every time. Inconvenient.

Andy 40:03

Hey listeners, if you're a 3D printer. If you're a 3D printer, Matt needs a dice tower.

Siobhan 40:12

Yeah, he does. Look it. Okay, for real, without Rob screaming. Matt does need a dice. Maybe the listeners there.

Andy 40:19

Yeah, dice tray. That's fine. I'll bring the dice tray. Maybe the listeners out there does 3D printing or something like that. If you can make a custom beer bottle-shaped dice tower for the city, please don't make it a wiener universe.

Siobhan 40:30

Alright, I'm attacking first.

Andy 40:32

Okay. Shavana took it.

Siobhan 40:33

D4 plus two. That's a four. I'm sorry. I don't know any of your stats.

Matt 40:39

I'm dead.

Siobhan 40:40

Oh, great.

Matt 40:42

That big depressing.

Siobhan 40:43

Throwing wieners at me.

Matt 40:44

You get 40 coin and two XP. Andy.

Siobhan 40:48

Yeah.

Matt 40:48

Sexy Cuthaloo. Oh. Cthulhu. Almost almost.

Siobhan 40:52

You got it. You got it. No, that was good. That was good. You did it.

Matt 40:55

Your newest employee is taking it easy in the break room, rolling a saving throw for sexual prowess. Cuthaloo. Success. Sexy that creature grabs a tiny wiener on a toothpick and silently puts it in its mouth. A saving throw of your choice increases by five.

Rob 41:10

This is quest two, electric Cuthaloo. Electric Cuthaloo.

Andy 41:16

Alright, so I need to make a saving throw for sexual prowess.

Siobhan 41:20

Yeah, so you have to draw. Yeah, you want to do a thing.

Andy 41:22

Hand me the dice. Old. Coming your way. I got an eleven. My sexual prowess is only a seven.

Matt 41:34

Oh. Failure. After a heated encounter, you can never use the break room. Again, your saving throws are reduced by two from exhaustion.

Siobhan 41:42

All of them.

Matt 41:43

All of them. Brutal.

Rob 41:45

Woof. Alright. In the immortal words of Kevin McAllister.

Matt 41:51

Woof. What do I got? Something you've never had in your life. A suggestive thought. You pick up a wiener with a fork and think of a funny joke. Roll a saving throw for sexual prowess.

Chris 42:01

Oh.

Rob 42:02

Wait a minute. I'm not gonna lie. This does sound like Rob right now. I hate you all. That is good. 10. And my sexual prowess is a 14. Suck it.

Matt 42:15

What do I win?

Siobhan 42:16

That also sounds like rap.

Matt 42:17

Think of a pretty funny stand-up comedy routine. You're able to quit your job at the wiener factory to pursue your passion, gain 60 coins.

Siobhan 42:24

Oh.

Matt 42:25

Yeah.

Chris 42:26

Alright.

Andy 42:26

How's everybody doing health wise?

Matt 42:29

I'm good. I'm okay. I'm not gonna lie. You're caring of checking in every once in a while.

Andy 42:35

I'm a good hero, or maybe.

Siobhan 42:35

I know. That's a good clerics role.

Rob 42:37

Rob, are you down at all? No. Okay, you're at your max health. No, I I one hit the only monster that I've faced, and then the other things were both saving throws. So Chris. Wait, wait, pause. Yep. I'm buying some uh shit.

Matt 42:53

Chris is going shopping.

Rob 42:55

Fortunately, I don't have enough for the sassy saber, but I'm gonna buy a uh tipsy tunic for 75, giving me plus one D. Alright, go for it, Matt. Contest of champions.

Matt 43:09

You enter a hot dog eating contest, roll a saving throw for self-worth. You want me to read? Okay, success. You had you had it inside you, and now you also have 47 hot dogs inside you. Gain one maximum HP, you are the wiener. Failure to joke on hot dog number 34. A kindly ogre with a pension for emergency preparedness rescues you. Lose one maximum HP from great big ogre hugs.

Rob 43:37

Alright, here we go. You said this is self-worth. Yeah, you need less than 10 or equal to, right?

Siobhan 43:44

Yeah, you guys.

Rob 43:45

Oh my god. I'd like to point out when you guys told me I should roll a D10, I had rolled a four total. No, and now both times rolling with the D8, I've gotten uh schlapped.

Matt 43:58

Well, you have choked on hot dog 34, lose one maximum HP.

Rob 44:04

Alright, well, that's just maximum, so it's not gonna affect me right now. Correct, correct. Siobhan?

Siobhan 44:10

Wait, I have a question about weapons.

Matt 44:13

Yes.

Siobhan 44:14

So if I on this shop card, it tells me the cost of the thing. And then it says damage.

Matt 44:22

Yep.

Siobhan 44:22

Does that mean I roll that damage for the actual weapon in addition to my thing?

Rob 44:28

No. Or it's a new weapon. So then But I think you have to stay within your weapon class. Like I'm a staff user. Chris has a sword. She's in the produce weapon class. So I could just buy another satchel of lemons.

Siobhan 44:41

Okay. I'm gonna buy the giggle juice gloves for plus one defense.

Rob 44:45

There you go. Okay.

Siobhan 44:48

Hee hee.

Rob 44:50

I heard you.

Siobhan 44:50

And then I'm gonna buy also so sorry. Um I'm gonna buy the another bellow ale because I need that.

Matt 44:56

Yep. All right. You're at one health currently. All right. So You are fighting the sodium dragon. The dragon is so bad for you, yet so delicious. You can't stay away. You engage in battle with the sodium dragon in the hopes of getting one good salty lick. Five HP, attacks with a D8, one defense. Shit.

Siobhan 45:17

Alright, well.

Matt 45:18

I rolled a five, by the way.

Siobhan 45:21

I didn't see you roll that five, but that's fine. I trust you.

Matt 45:24

It was a while ago.

Siobhan 45:25

I got a three, so you go first. Alright. He rolls a D eight. Fuck. Five. Well, I'm dead. So technically, because I can use your drinky despawn. I can bellow ale it up.

Matt 45:37

Alright.

Siobhan 45:37

Roll a D6, yes.

Matt 45:38

Roll D6. Here, let me hear that. Let me have that again.

Siobhan 45:41

A five, which is my max HP.

Matt 45:43

Alright. She's gonna attack me again.

Siobhan 45:46

A one plus a two.

Matt 45:49

A three.

Siobhan 45:49

Three. And I have one hoo. So a three.

Final Battles And XP Tally

Matt 45:54

A four. I am down to four.

Chris 45:57

Oh my god.

Siobhan 45:57

Wait, you're gonna be a little bit more. Oh no, I'm sorry.

Matt 45:59

I'm down to I can't math right now. Yeah, negative three. You're down to three. Yep, there we go. Because he has one defense.

Siobhan 46:06

A four. So that puts me down to three. Because I have a defense of one, so I only take three. So I have two balls. God, what a battle.

Matt 46:16

Come on. There's an epic bat. Come on.

Siobhan 46:18

We haven't lost yet. A two plus a two is a four. You're dead. I am dead. Yay!

Matt 46:25

You got 60 coins and three experience points. Noise. Alright. Andy? Chilena. Chilena.

Chris 46:35

Get it right.

Matt 46:37

You are fighting if you can see this card. The Snooty Sausage. Okay. Ooh, the Snooty thing is a penis, but it's a sausage. The Sausages thinks he's better than you.

Rob 46:45

He's Mr. Peanus. Peanus.

Siobhan 46:48

Okay.

Matt 46:49

The Sausages thinks he's better than you. You're not gonna take this, are you? You engage in some minor class warfare with an upright walking sausage. He's got three HP and is fighting with a D6, no defense.

Andy 47:01

Alright. I have a five. You're attacking first.

Rob 47:07

No, go, go.

Matt 47:14

Nope. I rolled a six. Oh god. Dead silence spot put your side in the face.

Siobhan 47:22

Slap. That's it. That's it.

Matt 47:24

So Rich Ames, bitch. Randomly, you get nine coins. What? Nine coins and two XP. Oh. Two XP is worth it. Yeah. I mean, I guess. And I believe that brings us to the end of our game today. Now I need to ask all of you how many XP do you have? The person with the most XP is the winner. Cinco.

Rob 47:46

I have my max of three.

Chris 47:48

No, no.

Rob 47:49

No, your XP.

Siobhan 47:50

Oh, XP? Not HP.

Rob 47:52

Oh, uh, I had five, but I used them.

Siobhan 47:55

For the meeple. So you have to do that.

Rob 47:57

So I have zero now? You have zero and then you're not. Once I cash them in, yeah, I have zero XP.

Siobhan 48:02

Chris has five.

Rob 48:03

I have five.

Siobhan 48:04

I have seven. Oh shit. Oh, Shaban.

Winner Shoutouts And Where To Follow

Matt 48:08

Siwon's to her list of winnings. Yes. She does, she does. And what were your drinking for this particular drinking quest?

Siobhan 48:15

Drinking a Tito's and soda, everybody. There you go. That potato vodka.

Matt 48:19

All right.

Siobhan 48:19

That'll get you from Texas.

Matt 48:20

And we're gonna make that Tito's and soda. And Siobhan, the Stellar Sip for this episode.

Rob 48:26

Stellar sip.

Matt 48:28

Pour yourself a tall glass of Siobhan.

Siobhan 48:31

Yeah. Tall glass of lemonade, a melanade, if you will, if you're a Homestar Runner fan.

Matt 48:36

So shout out to uh Jason Anarchy Games, who makes Drinking Quest. Google Drinking Quest, you will find it very, very quickly. There are like a million additions to this. If you would like to play, we highly encourage that. It's a lot of fun.

Rob 48:48

A lot of fun.

Matt 48:49

Yep, yep. Cheers, folks. Cheers, everyone. Cheers. Thanks for listening.

Unfiltered Studios Guy 48:54

This podcast is a production of Unfiltered Studios. If you would like to know more about joining Unfiltered Studios, please visit our website at unfpod.com for more information.

Matt 49:05

This episode's boozy quote comes from actor and comedian W. C. Fields, who said everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. Would you like to suggest something for us to drink, give us some feedback, or have your brand featured on Matt Friends Drink the Universe? We would love to hear from all of our listeners. Please check our episode descriptions down below for links to send us a text, support the podcast, and visit our merch store. To keep up with our latest news or share your stellar tips with us, please like and follow Matt Friends DTU on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, Threads, Blue Sky, and Reddit. For more information about the podcast and links to all of our episodes, please visit www.matfriendsdetu.com. That's MattfriendsDTU.com. Cheers, friends!