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Matt and Friends Drink the Universe
Welcome to Matt and Friends Drink the Universe, the comedy podcast where great drinks meet great stories. Join host Matt and a rotating crew of friends as they share laughs, taste unique craft beers, cocktails, wines, and spirits, and dive into the stories, history, and science behind every sip.
Every episode brings something different — from fan-favorite Stellar Sips (the drinks we love) to those dreaded Cosmic Chugs (the ones that crash and burn). You’ll also find a mix of fun episode themes like Alcohology, Think or Drink Trivia, Rocket Rankings, Bar Chats, and How Did We Get Beer? to keep every listen fresh and entertaining.
Packed with hilarious banter, fun facts, and plenty of libation inspiration, this show is perfect for anyone who enjoys discovering new flavors while kicking back with great company.
So grab your favorite drink, relax, and join us as we drink our way through the universe — one unforgettable pour at a time. Cheers!
Matt and Friends Drink the Universe
HDWGB - "Merry Monks, Drinks with Dad, and a Parking Meter Heist"
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever had an adventure sparked by a simple drink? Andy, Christa, and Rob join Matt for round of story telling to answer the question "How Did We Get Beer?"
Rob takes us on a vibrant journey with Treehouse Brewing’s Super Typhoon American Double IPA, where citrus notes from hops blend with tales of a memorable trip to Vermont. Meanwhile, the Weyerbacher’s Merry Monks triple unleashes smooth flavors and potent memories of casual rehearsals turned into memorable escapades. Alongside Andy and Christa, we reminisce on how the perfect blend of good company, great music, and exceptional brews transforms ordinary moments into cherished stories.
Switch gears with us as we indulge in the hilarious chaos of a $28 vodka tonic mystery, complete with torrential rain and unexpected bar prices.
Reflecting on the wild nights of our past, we fondly recount escapades involving parking meters and Long Island iced tea at 2 a.m. Through laughter and nostalgia, we embrace the growth into responsible adulthood, proving that even the most disorderly conduct can lead to some of the best stories. Join us for all this and more as we toast to the adventures that make life memorable.
Visit www.mattandfriendsdtu.com for links listen, support the podcast, and more!
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Cheers, and thanks for listening!
Intro and Introductions
Matt10 , 9 , 8 , 7 , 6 , 5 , 4 , 3 , 2 , 1 .
RobWe have liftoff . Welcome to Matt and Friends . Drink the Universe . Drink the Universe .
MattWelcome back everyone to Matt and Friends . Drink the Universe . Drink the Universe . Welcome back everyone to Matt and Friends . Drink the Universe . The theme for today is A good drink can be an experience , and a good experience can call for a good drink . I've invited my friends to bring a drink of their choice and to share a story .
RobThis time I've brought another beer which , if you don't know , is from Hawaii . It's going to be a traumatic experience for Siobhan , which seems to be a theme for sharing stories .
MattThis is the mudslide recipe from Rum Point in the Cayman Islands .
RobI recently was up in Maine .
AndyLast summer I spent time in Lithuania .
MattSit back and enjoy as we answer the question . How did we get beer ? You know , as I put that together , my first thought was there was actually wrong answers to that question . And you know , like the mezcal from episode one , yeah , but that's okay . Yeah , I'm hoping that my answer today is at least partially correct . So you're somewhat redeeming yourself slowly . We shall see . I have some great friends drinking the universe with me again today , so let's go that way around the table .
RobThis way , Hi everybody , it's Rob back again hey it's .
MattAndy .
ChristaAnd Krista .
MattAnd I had all of them bring a drink and prepare to share a story . And Rob is like jonesing over here to go first , mostly because his beer is getting cold in an awful hurry .
RobNo , it's getting warm in an awful hurry .
MattThe opposite direction we want it to stay cold .
ChristaWe would like cold beer .
RobLadies and gentlemen , let me introduce you to the crack of this beer first , yes , it's beautiful ,
Rob - Super Typhoon from Tree House Brewing
Robit whispers to me , it calls me . The noise gate probably screwed that one up , but that's fine . Today I am going to share with you the Super Typhoon American Double IPA . This is from Treehouse Brewing in Massachusetts , so let me go ahead and pour it around the table a little bit All right . If you want to tilt your glass for me , sir , so I don't give you like a nasty .
ChristaA nasty pour .
RobFilthy heady pour .
MattThank you . You like a nasty . A nasty , poor , filthy , heady poor . Thank you , yep , so treehouse up in massachusetts , um , before we continue , that was so much better than the kegerator poor . I had earlier this week before we discussed the proper way to just let the tab become fully open .
RobListen , I just got a kegerator . It's a lovely development in my life and I'm learning .
MattCongratulations on your kegerator .
AndyFirst of all cheers . Clinkity Out of size , fine clink . I'm going to work on that .
JeffIt's a solid IPA .
AndyI remember when we were doing the rankings of the IPAs and I was saying 90 minute by Dogfish Head is like what I want an IPA to taste like . This is right there .
RobYeah , so surprisingly enough , this is 7.7% Really . So there's a lot more juice to this than you think there is , because you don't really taste like an off-puttingness or like a high ABV taste to it , in my opinion .
ChristaIt also smells really good .
AndyIt smells delicious Quintessential what an IPA should taste like , what it should smell like .
RobI'm pretty sure that this is not fruited at all . I think that this is just coming from hops . As I read the can , it says this is the Big Brother to Hurricane , which is another beer that they have Kettle and dry hopped doses of Citra and Simcoe and adjustments to the base beer to make it even richer with flavor . They're looking for juicy , tropical flavors and a crisp finish . This is all just hops . This has not been fruited with anything .
ChristaIt's very good . It's very good .
RobAll the citrus that you're getting is just from the hops .
ChristaThat is impressive .
RobYeah , so Treehouse , the story of how I got this beer . Treehouse actually does not sell their beers outside of Massachusetts , or if they do , it's very few and far between to find it . So on our way up to Vermont recently with some other podcast veterans Chris and Siobhan we stopped at Treehouse just to break up the drive a little bit . They have a really , really awesome outdoor indoor space . I'm not going to remember the city right now , but we went to their main brewery location and it was just unbelievable . I wound up splitting a flat with a friend of mine , big z . Actually , everybody knows big z . So , yeah , uh , split a flat with him and , um , you , you know , it was basically an IPA mixed pack of 16-ounce IPAs and , yeah , I have not had a bad one from the bunch yet . Really , really , really like it's beer-flavored beer .
JeffYou know , it's good , it's good stuff .
ChristaIt's good and it's very delicious yeah .
MattThis would do well like outside as a stadium , summer as it is .
RobYeah , summer as a summer , as it is summery , ipa . Yeah , so we were . When we were at the brewery we were sitting outside underneath a very large , you know roofed wooden structure . Um they had , uh , you know , food trucks and everything outside , so we kind of got a meal sat outside , um hung out . Uh it did kind of pour for like a very short amount of time but luckily we were under the roof and uh stayed dry . But um , yeah , really cool , recommend getting up there and and checking out the brewery , um , delicious .
AndyYeah , this is absolutely delicious , and we also . I remember us talking before about how some ipa is sour on the back end , like the flavor doesn't linger well , and not the case with this .
RobLike just sits there nicely yeah , some of I I think most of the case that I bought were different beers , but this is one of the ones that they had like two or three um cans of in the pack and this , I think , is thus far my favorite from the pack , so that's why I wanted to bring that today it's delicious .
MattI understand why it's your favorite one of my favorite repeat lines from the podcast from various people is you know , this beer insists upon itself . This one does not . It gives you here's the flavor and then it gets out of its own way , and I really appreciate that . I dig the can art as well . It's got like a dr seuss birdhouse thing going and it's not over the top , though .
AndyYeah , that's the tree house you know you got your simple two colors you know , yeah , good , easy , good cart can art cart are you untapping this ?
MattI'm trying to , but I'm not finding it really maybe it's in there .
ChristaOh okay , I was gonna say maybe if it's um , it's definitely a massachusetts exclusive .
RobI checked , I checked her in yep , I just just found it .
ChristaYeah , I got to get on it untapped more . I used to have it . And then I like stopped using it , for you know I'm not sure if I've had I'm not sure if an app that gives you merit badges for drinking is a good idea or not .
AndyI feel like it's a great idea . What do you mean ? What do ?
Christayou mean by that ? I definitely went through a badge . Yeah right , I gotta get that badge . That's not how you're supposed to be using that . I do a lot of video gaming .
MattI do a lot of video gaming and I look at certain achievements in video games like I will never do that . I look at Untappd and think You're not a completionist on video games . I am not . I'm willing to let certain things go . That comes time . But when I look at Untappd , I think these are achievable . I could do this . Just give me some time here .
AndyI'm really creative with it , like I was really surprised when I was in Lithuania again , there was a badge specifically for Lithuania .
RobI was just going to say I don't know if this is a typo , but this on Untappd says it has zero IBU , which is surprising to me because usually IBAs do have some kind of IBU ratings ? Green , which is actually the highest rated beer that I've had from Treehouse thus far , has 90 IBU and I think it's kind of similar to this , but I drank all my greens so sorry , I couldn't bring that Can't compare it to trust .
MattSo that makes me wonder , Andy , if there is a Lithuanian badge . Are there unattainable badges , like is there a Saudi Arabia ?
Robbadge . Is this exterior A Himalayan badge Places you're not supposed to drink .
AndyYou're not supposed to be able to get it .
MattYeah , you're not supposed to drink there , but somehow you can unlock that badge you can ?
AndyYou absolutely can .
MattThe unobtainable . Unobtainable Is anybody unobtainium .
RobAnybody from Untapped is listening .
MattWe want a list of what those badges are . That's right .
AndyActually , I want a list of the badges with the fewest people who have gotten it there you go Like a one-person exclusive badge .
RobWe're tagging you Untapped . Tell us .
ChristaWhat are the most obscure badges you can ?
Robget Share with us .
MattYeah , we need to know what are the most obscure badges you can get Share with us . Yeah , we need to know . Rob , I'm feeling generous today .
RobOh yeah , well , thank you , stellar set , there is a little bit more . If somebody would like a little bit more , I'll take a little more of that , yeah , you know , I might too , yeah .
MattI'll take a little splash there if we're not kidding I'll take a little sip or two .
AndyRob , was this your first trip up to the New England area ?
RobNo , I've been in the New England area frequently but this was my first time to Treehouse . The last time I was up in the New England area doing beer stuff we were in Boston itself . So we did the Sam Adams tour Highly recommend Probably .
RobYou know , to me a brewery tour kind of gets to be a dime a dozen because once you've seen the process you're like this is the process right sam adams was a completely different beast to me and like maybe that's because we happen to be there the week after the boston marathon so they had 23.1 or 23.2 on tap , which is like they brew it every year just for the boston marathon okay so we got to taste that in the tasting room .
AndyGood , but yeah yeah , because I would suck if it was like they brewed it once per year .
RobIt was hot garbage , what , uh , what impressed me the most about the sam adams tour , which this is kind of a little off topic from from this trip because it was a different trip . But they taught you how to professionally taste a beer . So they give you this little tasting glass that you can take home with you and it has like the four steps of how to taste a beer . Interesting , like nose palate , and they say , like you know , first you're supposed to like drink quickly I'm probably getting this wrong but like , first you're supposed to drink quickly to try to get like an overall taste , and then you drink and you let it sit in your mouth . So there's different ways to judge a beer and they kind of teach you that a little bit during the tasting .
RobThat's cool , it's been a number of years since I've been there , so it's out of my brain now .
MattHow long have we been doing the drinking podcast here ? Two years , two-ish .
JeffYou should ask the person who hosts it how long ago were you at Sam Adams .
RobIt was like a year or two after we got married , so like 2016 or so .
MattSo you've been holding on to the knowledge , to the proper way to taste a beer and didn't bring it to the one environment where it is most valuable .
ChristaI don't think we're really professionals out here .
RobThere's no comedy in doing things right now , is there ?
ChristaYeah , we don't do things proper .
MattThat's part of the fun , Put it in mouth , taste drink . Okay , that'll work too . Yeah , I mean .
ChristaThe right way to drink beer was .
MattI was going to take you out on that one , matthew , I'm surprised you all let that one go .
RobI see my superhero mask over there .
MattYour superhero mask .
RobYes , I love that . It's like become part of the lore in the background .
MattIt's just hanging out . Yeah , there are several things in this room that pertain to previous episodes Pod lore the lore . We have the whole maybe I'll put a picture of it . We have the whole like wall of fame going on over there .
RobOh yeah , that's true . So call it yeah well , there is one brewery , that elementary we miss you guys yeah , sorry , yeah , rip man anyway , but hey guys , thank you for sharing this with me . I I really do appreciate it . It was delicious we'll move on to the next tasty beverage .
AndyBut uh , cheers
Andy - Merry Monks at a Brass Rehearsal
Andyso I guess we'll go to me next . All right , rob , I was actually inspired by your new purchase . Oh , tell me more . So I'm also shocked that we have . I don't think we've talked about one of our local top breweries in the area , oh yeah , of Weyerbacher . Oh , okay , I don't think it's been brought up . I also have to finish this before .
MattNo , I don't think we've ever the Jester .
AndyOh , all right , so do not look at the bottle , because that kind of kills the story .
ChristaOkay , so don't look at it , but drink it Unless you're familiar with Weyerbacher's Merry Monks .
AndyI am not .
MattI am .
AndyAnd pour yourself some of that .
MattI am familiar Without looking at the label no hold on .
ChristaLet me put my fingers over it .
AndyWe were lucky enough to play a show at weyerbacher once . It's a pretty cool venue . I don't know if their tap rooms . They've been in a lot of flux recently . I don't know what's going on with their tap room over there . But I'm also a local musician , a little more on the classical and jazz side , but I have a brass quintet that I play with called east coast sound and they are fantastic I seen them so much .
AndyWe try to have fun . We don't just do classical stuff . We like to do covers of pop stuff and random whatever we feel like it .
RobCheck them out on the internet .
AndyWhat instrument are you playing For that ? I'm playing tuba .
MattAlright , very cool .
AndyFor the most part , when we're rehearsing , it's more hanging out and drinking beer than actually rehearsing . At one point the couple that hosts us they had a kegerator , and so we're sitting there just drinking beer and rehearsing for a couple hours and they had Mary Monks on their kegerator .
RobOh God , oh boy , did they not tell you what it was ?
AndyWell no , we all knew what it was , but nobody looked at the ABV on that , yep .
RobIs it over nine ?
AndyThis is a 9.3 . That's what I thought it is Exactly .
ChristaThis does not taste like that . Exactly it's actually really good too . It's a delicious beer . Oh man , it's a delicious beer . I'm getting banana on the nose .
JeffYeah .
AndyYep .
RobThis is a traditional Belgian right .
AndyIt's a belgian style triple , which also , again , I don't generally like belgian triples , like it's not something I generally like , but this one I do , uh , but yeah . So we're literally sitting there sipping out , passing drinks from the kegerator for about two hours , not thinking about it . Well , then it was time for rehearsal to end , for all of us to go home to stand up and we stood up and we went .
AndyOh , never mind we sat down and we rehearsed without beer for at least another hour and a half before we played only music for the rest of the night .
RobThat's right .
AndyThat's what I was playing I don't know what everybody else was playing , so which one is this merry ? Monks . This is the merry monks which , uh of , in my opinion , I've I've had a lot of the weyerbacher beers . This one is my favorite hands down .
RobI'll be honest , I normally do not like belgian style beer same . It's just not a thing for me . But I really do , and I've had this prior and thought that I didn't like it , but I I do like this pour today .
ChristaYeah I do this is really good . It definitely does not taste like a 9.3 . I would be like four of these in and be like dude . I feel great . I know they have new .
RobI know that they have new management , new brewing , new brewers and stuff like that . So maybe To me you used to be able to taste the 9 . You know what I'm saying .
AndyYou used to have kind of a kick to it years ago , and this was years ago that we had this quarter keg of Merry Monks . We did not taste the nine , hence we got plastered .
MattTaste the nine . I mean , I was down there to the brewery a few times and I do like their beer . I like darker , heavier barley wine , that sort of thing . In general a lot of their beers are heavy hitters Very heavy .
MattThey have the Blithering idiot which is the jester label . Yep , which that's about nine percent , I think two , nine or ten probably . And then my favorite riff on that was they went to the insanity and they took the nice , friendly looking blue jester label , made it orange and red . The guy's head is kicked back , he's cackling and it just says , uh , it's insanity , the idiot's gone , insane yeah and that one's like 13 or 14 percent yeah , and that that one .
MattI sat down and I did not look at the abv and I knew it was high but I was , oh , I'll have a cup . I had three of them and was good night good night yeah may I see the can ?
Christaor the bottle art now , it's now official , I can look at it .
RobYeah oh , it is , it's bart , not cart . Yeah , this is not cart , it's bart bottle art it is .
ChristaIt is very cute . I like the little monks carrying the barrels and such it is .
ChristaIt is very cute . Um , yeah , no , this is . This actually reminds me a lot of um , a beer that I had when I was in ireland , um , ironically enough , uh , but like years ago , when I was visiting my brother , um , and they had this brewery . Uh , it was like a very tiny brewery , but it was in Cork and again , it was a beer that was like you were like yeah , man , I can drink a couple of these , and you're , they're like no you ain't , no , you can't you can , you can , but you better be walking home dog asterisk yeah , yeah and
Andythat's the thing that's always baffled me about Weyerbacher is again all of their stuff is a high ABV , which is great , you know whatever , but they want people to come drink at the brewery .
JeffYeah .
ChristaThey want you to go to the brewery . You better bring a DD if you're going to Weyerbacher . Where is this In Bethlehem ?
AndyEaston Easton .
ChristaEaston . Okay , yeah , yeah , it's close .
RobOkay , I'm not from this area . We'll take you there sometime .
AndyYeah , yeah .
ChristaYeah , yeah , maybe the tasting space is great .
RobUm , it's , it's . It's a great little spot , very cool atmosphere . They've got some like games and stuff you can play indoors . It's like an indoor outdoor space if the weather's nice and cool . Yeah yeah , it's super cool and like where their stages they have like a whole bunch of their aging barrels behind it , so like when you play there , like nice backdrop you have that like right behind you .
ChristaIt's really really cool .
MattYeah , yeah , yeah , no , I've never been , but this beer is gonna convince me , man , yeah , well , we'll take you like the dark , like barley wine that sort of thing yeah barley wine is kind of a niche thing , right like not everybody goes for that for you don't hear anybody sit down at a football game . I was like hit me with a barley wine , I would be that guy and I'd be happy being that guy .
ChristaBut I am not that guy . If you're that guy asking for that at a football game , I'm the person who makes fun of you bro .
RobJoin the club . Welcome to the club , the Make .
MattFun of Matt Club .
RobI've been a happy card-carrying member since the age of 12 .
JeffI will say I love me my .
MattSteelers . I love the Steelers a lot , but right now they're causing quite a bit of alcohol consumption .
Jeffon Sundays I was wondering how you were going to relate what we were doing currently to the Steelers , but I got you .
RobThere you go , russell Wilson Hmm .
MattI mean , we don't normally do a sports segment .
RobNope , nope . And now to Krista with sports .
ChristaYou better not be . I don't know a damn thing what team is .
MattRob a fan of , I can deflect .
RobI'm picking an AFC team this year Out of a hat I think I've given up and this year I've wiped my brow and my ass with it .
MattSo you're not pulling that . 1995 Dallas Cowboys starter jacket Listen , they used to be good .
RobIt's fine . They used to be good . They've let me down . They suck , it's fine .
ChristaIt's over .
RobI just like the sport of football .
MattHooray football . Rob is a broken fan . There's any sports ?
Robcounselors out there Speaking of broken fans . It's warm in here , it's so hot in here .
ChristaYeah , it's getting hot in here .
MattPart of my secret plan to make us all drink a ton of alcohol .
RobSo drink up all that beer .
ChristaYeah , this is not an alcohol .
JeffI'm going to drink that beer now .
ChristaSorry , wow , it was good , I'm going to keep it going .
MattI like that one a lot . Hey , stellar set .
AndyTwo for two . We're going heavy with the alcohol content .
RobBased on what I see sitting on this table . I'm concerned for the next one . Yeah , I know .
ChristaRob and Andy both brought beers , but
Christa's Late Night Whiskey With Dad
ChristaI brought whiskey Tell us more .
RobI'm here , for it .
MattIt's rye whiskey .
RobOoh , I do like a good rye .
ChristaA rye is good . My dad has recently been into a lot of ryes . My brother , joe , lives in Pittsburgh so they do a lot of rye out that way . So every time my brother has visited in the last couple years he has brought different ryes in Pittsburgh . This one is not a Pittsburgh exclusive , though . This is Dad's Hat . Technically it's the pre-prohibition style , but this is what I had at my house . So I cheaped out and already had something and did not buy a bottle for this .
RobThat's not cheaping out , it's all right .
ChristaI brought Dad's hat . My dad loves this rye , so my mom and my dad have two whiskeys that they lean towards . My dad's is dad hat and my mom's is Jim Beam vanilla . But I am not a Jim Beam vanilla fan .
JeffJim Beam vanilla .
ChristaYeah , my mom will pour the . Jim Beam , vanilla with a Coke and she puts it into this .
AndyOkay , sure , jim Beam is a good mixer . Yes , yes , yes , I thought you meant like drinking it straight from the mug . No , no , no , no , no . She pours it into this .
ChristaShe might need an intervention she pours it into the like totally 21 cup that we have , Kathleen please , she like will put it in a cup and then , like , go out to like the fire pit . Or I brought dad's hat because when I was working , so I used to work a swing shift at a food lab which sucked , but it meant that I used to be like at work until like 2 AM sometimes and my dad frequently works night shift . My dad only works night shift , so that means that when I was off work and he was off work , sometimes we would just like be awake at the same time late at night and everyone else is asleep . So the one time I think I was either freshly 21 or maybe freshly 22 , I had come home from work and it was .
AndySo this was like six months ago . Yeah , yeah , maybe like six years ago oh .
MattGod .
ChristaI had come home and I was like Ollie , you are old except me .
MattThis is all just flagrant jealousy of the fact that you are younger than we are . I'm just trying to flaunt my age here .
ChristaI'm happy with it .
RobIt's fine , you're happy , I'm okay with getting old man . I want to go to 21 .
AndyI never understood the being afraid to age thing .
JeffI know we're like completely derailing your story here .
AndyNo , I don't want to kill her story either .
RobMy only issue , my only issue with getting old , is the lack of recovery that my body allows for me . Everything else is great , it just sucks to like Do something that you think you can do and then wake up the next day and be like , oh , I'm dead .
ChristaI've died . That's news to me .
MattIt's worth noting , rob is sitting here With his toes taped together Because he recently broke A toe in two places . We did not need to include that .
JeffThank you very much . Yeah , we did it's fine .
RobThat has nothing to do with being old . It just has to do with being dumb Back to you , krista .
ChristaAll right , so I was 21 or 22 a very short time ago .
RobHey , let's pour these up while you're telling the story .
ChristaDo you guys want a shot of it , or do you want me to mix it with some ginger ?
Mattale I'm going to go with mixer . How did you have it in the forthcoming story ?
ChristaSo in the forthcoming story I had it with a little bit of ice just by itself , but I did bring some ginger ale to be .
AndyIce sounds great , okay .
ChristaThere is no fucking ice in this room , dog .
RobIt would not fucking last . It melted long ago .
ChristaI'll pour some ginger , ale I don't know if you guys want to use the cups . We were using .
RobHere's what I'll do . I'll do the ginger ale , as a chaser , I'll do the dad hat in here . I'll do the dad hat in here . Do we want to ?
Mattrinse out and get ice , because we can do that .
JeffYeah , if you want to pause , let's rinse get ice and hold Beep .
RobAll right hat me .
ChristaAll right , I will pour a little bit into the glass so that you can sip it . And then there's ginger ale here . If you want to , you know , Spritz it .
MattThat's where it's at Wash it down , whip it up there .
ChristaYeah , I'm just going to pour a little bit , all right , all right . But yeah .
Andyso when I was like that was a more aggressive pour than I intended .
ChristaIt doesn't mean super aggressive , but I I was uh coming home from work circa . Sorry , get no respect in this house age before beauty fuck you . So I was coming home from work and it was . It was quite late , I think it might have been like midnight or one in the morning , but my dad was up because my dad was off of work but he couldn't .
RobSorry . It smells very strong . Well , I got a big nose .
ChristaSo my dad was awake because he just couldn't sleep because he was off work . And when he's off work and he is a night shift person , he just ends up being up late at night because he's just already awake . So my mom had gone to bed no one else was up , but he was just chilling and I was like , hey , what's up ? And he obviously works nights , so he did not have to go to work and I didn't have to go to work the next day . So he was like well , do you want to watch a movie or something ? I was like , okay , yeah , sure , um . So we decided to watch um , fistful of dollars , uh , excellent film .
RobUm good movie . Oh yeah , my dad . No idea , no idea , really . You've never seen fistful of dollars . Clint eastwood couldn't even tell you who's in the man with no name clint eastwood , oh yeah , it's clint eastwood .
ChristaYeah , clint eastwood okay be so for real . Well , go home and watch it . It's a great movie , but we just sat down to watch this cowboy movie and we put it , so it's not about a strip club Fistful of dollars . It could have been , but it's not .
AndyThat's G-string full of dollars , fistful of dollars , and then the sequel is a few dollars more .
RobIs it really ?
ChristaAnd then the third movie is the Good , the Bad and the Ugly .
RobThat one . I know , yeah , seen the Good , the Bad and the Ugly . Fistful of Dollars was the third . Yeah , fistful of . Dollars is the first one , a thirding .
ChristaAt some ungodly hour , poured a little bit of whiskey or a little bit of rye whiskey and watched Fistful of Doll awake and it was just like really nice and I really like drinking with my dad .
RobYou know what . I'm going to raise this glass to Big Daddy P .
ChristaThere you go , daddy P yeah To Pat All right , that was a better clink , big Pat .
AndyThat was a much more satisfying clink . But yeah , why is this giving me Jameson vibes ? A little bit it kind of does give a Jameson energy to it .
ChristaIt might be the way it's distilled , I don't know . I don't know . I do quite like the dad's hat , so I drink it quite often , not just by itself . I usually will mix it with ginger ale or something like that .
RobI have to laugh .
AndyGive me a little ginger . Ale I'll try it with some ginger , I'll be honest .
RobI am rye straight . I like rye mixed . I do not like rye straight .
ChristaYeah , I like it , yet you shoot Captain Morgan .
RobThere's a sharpness to the rye . I think , if you drink it straight , that you don't get with a standard bourbon .
AndyWith a little bit of ginger , ale that's quite nice . It's really good .
ChristaYeah , I like to drink it with a little bit of ginger ale , because it does cut the sharpness of it just a little bit . Yep , then , that's usually how I drink it , but I usually will take a nice sip of it before I mix it , just to be like nice and crisp , yeah , nice and crisp , and then I'll put a little bit of ginger ale in it and and that's , like my , my drink for the night throw a little shave of lemon or orange in there too .
ChristaA shade , oh , just a little shade , yeah there's a quite , quite a little bit citrus Just a little citrus in there .
RobSpeaking of shaving , I left this mustache just for you .
ChristaYeah , Rob's rocking the knees . Oh , we all see it . Can you see it we ?
Andyall see it , this microphone , right now it's something .
MattIt's something , spirit of Freddie Mercury , be with us .
RobDude , why is today's generation into this pedo ? Mustache ? Yeah , I don't .
JeffWhat is with that ? I couldn't answer . It is everywhere right now it's come back and I don't understand and the mullet .
ChristaThe mullet is back . The mullet's come back to you , the mullet's back .
AndyBut with the military , the military rules . With mustaches are awful , they can't extend past the corner of your lips . With mustaches are awful , like they can't extend past the corner of your lips , so it's got to be like kind of a hard stop there . And from I'd say , 90% of dudes , the military mustache looks awful .
ChristaLike why would you even keep it at that point ? Like , if it looks bad , like , just shave it off . And it has come back . They're going for the goose look .
AndyIt has come back .
ChristaThe goose look can only be achieved by goose . Be so for real .
AndyThe number of people who are rocking that awful stash again is just terrible .
ChristaIt's crazy If I had a nickel for every time I saw a dude on a dating app with that , oh my god Are they holding fish too , oh 100% , that's not all they're holding .
RobLet me tell you , let me tell you , they got a small mouth , bass if you know what I mean .
MattAndy , I'm just curious about this . So funny sidebar with the facial hair in the military . Do those rules go out the window in combat , like if you're in an active combat zone ?
Andyyou're out there yes , yeah , yeah , because no one's gonna care well , yeah , like you don't have to firefight depending on where you are , if you need to blend in with local population and local population wears facial hair . You're going to want to wear facial hair . Yeah , the rules are definitely different when you're in theater than when you're on the home front .
MattThat makes sense . So , krista , keep it going . I got a solicit too .
ChristaI felt like I don't know if I deserved that . Everyone was kind of like , oh , it's good . I guess Sorry . Sorry , my drink sucked everybody .
AndyTo be 100% odd . I've had they do a bourbon . I think I've had their bourbon and I did not like it at all .
RobThey do a bourbon yes , but this is is the rye . I always get their rye . I love it . I definitely think the ginger ale was necessary for me to enjoy it .
ChristaI did try it neat first well , I guess technically with with ice on the rocks , if you will , yeah , or one singular rock , because we have one singular large I mean , I think rye is just like it .
RobIt's got a very specific taste . I like it as a mixer .
ChristaYeah , and that's perfectly fine , For sure .
MattI've been on a bit of a bourbon kick lately in general , trying to find some good bourbon . I enjoy this .
ChristaI would drink it with rye For bourbons . I like Old Forrester , I drink Old Forrester bourbon a lot .
MattI don't think I've had that one .
ChristaOld .
RobForrester . I mean like my brother got me into it and I do enjoy that one . Everybody check out the bourbon episode we did because we tested both cheap and very expensive very elite bourbons and the results may surprise you .
AndyYeah , yeah yeah , we did eight bourbons in an hour Sobriety was not a thing that occurred at the end , those results were not surprising , might I suggest ?
Robbeing on a bourbon drinking course instead of kicking them from now on . You said you were on a bourbon kick . Don't kick them . No , no , I was in here like wow .
JeffThat joke did not land . No , it really did not .
RobI don't think I've ever had a joke be that terrible . You were like don't kick them , and I was like don't think I've ever had a joke be that terrible .
ChristaYou were like don't kick them and I was like don't kick what .
MattWhat are we doing ? Is this a ?
Andyhabit ? Are we kicking them ?
MattWe were all looking at the dead squirrel on the road and nobody wanted to be like dead squirrel .
AndyAre we kicking a dead horse ?
RobListen here's what happened , like about two minutes ago . I had that moment where you look too fast from one side to the other and you go oh , how's the room moving this ?
Mattis a thing now , so sorry . So rob rob made a critical error today and right before we came into the studio he said I haven't eaten yet I have , and then also took a shot before we came in the room no physical food has gone into my body today . That is ill-advised for podcasting so the alcohol came at rob like what is this , oh my god new sound , new soundtrack .
RobWhere is this coming ? Did you make this ? Did you know this was gonna ?
Matthappen . No , I've used the train before , though I've never heard the train . I thought there , yeah , I thought there was gonna be more than just the train noise .
ChristaI thought there was going to be more than just the train noise , my sound effects .
RobStraight money . It's a drag , sorry .
MattDo we want to try something off script here ?
RobIs this whole thing off script ? Where are we ? Where are we ?
JeffDid you guys get a ?
Mattscript before this it's a drag
$28 Vodka Tonic Stadium Adventure
Matt. We're going to ask a guy why he paid $28 for a vodka last night , because I'm curious .
ChristaFor a vodka .
MattWho's a guy . We're calling somebody . We're going to do a call and we're going to see if this works . I hope it does .
RobI'm very excited about this Can . I speak first . Let's see if he picks up I'd Can I speak first .
AndyLike to place an order for takeout Come on pick up .
RobPick up .
JeffHello .
MattRobin Where's ?
Robmy father .
ChristaI don't know .
JeffHe seems to be missing .
MattWell , listen . He's sitting right next to you Mute , can you get him ?
ChristaWe're doing some reorganizing . Oh , here he comes .
RobListen . Put that handsome fellow on the phone , Jeffrey , Listen . I'm staring at a picture . I'm staring at a picture of your handsome face right now .
JeffI'm drinking to it . Oh God , help you , Robbie .
RobWishing that you were here drinking with us . Let me say there you go Pour one out .
JeffI agree , I come to see you . Oh yeah , that's true .
RobBut we can't hang out , then it's sad . Alright , Matthew has a question for you .
MattI do have a question for you . I'm here , we're recording the podcast right now , so this is a live call , live . So the episode theme let me put it this way is how did we get beer ? Stories about how we got different drinks , how did you get a $28 vodka last night ?
JeffActually it was pretty easy . I just walked up and said I wanted a vodka tonic . She said would you like Tito's ? And I named a couple others . I said just give me the cheapest one .
ChristaAnd for $28? .
JeffOne vodka tonic and 43 cents . Well , we went to see Dan .
RobOh , was it good . Okay , okay , so you were in a stadium .
JeffYeah , that's why yeah well , before we got to the mid florida amphitheater , it poured down rain . I mean literally buckets . We were walking through puddles just to get to the place . Our feet are sopping wet , we're wet and we got in there . And what's the first thing I thought of ?
JeffOh , really Okay , fair the first thing , I think everywhere and beer wasn't going to cut it . Yeah well , beer wasn't going to cut it , so I said I want to get a vodka tonic . Hey , that's how the whole thing went At a concert makes a lot more sense . When you're at a concert .
RobYou got to go there or go home .
JeffYeah , yeah .
AndyNo , actually no , think about it , it was all tonic .
JeffI think they mixed it light and then they put a little vodka on top of it , so when you taste , it .
Mattit's nice and strong , and you don't even know what kind it was , because the cheapest was $28 . In some odd sense 43 .
ChristaThat's unfortunate .
JeffWell , yeah , 43 . The other problem is I didn't have my reading glasses on , so when I signed the slip . I didn't see it till I got a notification from my bank saying you spent 28 and 43 cents on your city bank card wait a minute .
MattThat's the second drinking glass . You know reading glasses related incident you've had recently . I think we need to talk about the uh johnny walker . My dad was just recently here visiting pennsylvania he lives in florida and reading glasses related incident you've had recently . I think we need to talk about the Johnny Walker . My dad was just recently here visiting Pennsylvania he lives in Florida and had a little picnic and he said I got Johnny Walker black and I went to look at it .
JeffAnd my dad's not a big fan of Oki .
MattAnd he didn't have his readers on and apparently picked up the Johnny Walker double black .
RobWell , at least it wasn't Johnny Walker green and he was colorblind like you .
AndyNo , that passes through the moms . Oh , okay , that's right . Genetics yeah . Science , science .
JeffScience . The funny thing is , I can understand if I was drinking a lot Science .
RobYou just scienced right over your dad . I did science .
JeffSorry , Sorry . The funny thing is I can understand double vision if I've been drinking a lot or not being able to see straight if I was drinking a lot , but if I wasn't drinking at all , Well , that's fair .
ChristaThere , you go , start bringing the readers out . We miss you .
RobWe wish you were here Next time you're up . We'll schedule some time time , for sure .
JeffThat sounds great . Nice talking to you guys . You too , thanks for coming out of hiding .
RobPapa Welser , ladies and gentlemen , I've got to love him .
MattI'm glad that worked . That was great that was a good idea .
RobI loved everything about that . We went from one dad story to an actual dad , an actual dad story . Well , I guess there's an actual dad sitting at this table .
AndyYour dad's got like the classic dad voice .
ChristaYeah .
AndyYou know , like the perfect classic dad pacing .
ChristaJust staring into his eyes , right there , the dad's hat , the dad face , there it is .
AndyYeah , kind of giving me the hairy eyeball here .
MattThat's what I'm saying , man , my dad , when he saw that picture , just was like that's a lot of face .
ChristaYeah , it's a good face . It's a good face , it's a good face , it's a good face .
MattIt's a fine face , strong face .
The Parking Meter and Poor Life Choices
MattOkay , so I've mixed up my drink . I want everybody to swirl it around just a little bit in a cup , make sure it's well mixed and then take a sip and we shall discuss God .
RobI smell it .
ChristaYep .
RobIt's a lot of alcohol .
ChristaYou know , I'll tell you , it tastes okay . It tastes okay .
RobBut I just know in the back of my mind oh dear god , it tastes exactly like the thing that it's supposed to be yes , I feel , like , I feel , like , I feel like my , my mix is off here is it ?
ChristaI feel like I have no communicable diseases at the moment my mix tastes like exactly like I think it's supposed to . I feel like mine , needs a little less coke , but I'm also not a big fan of coke , so I pick it out very easily . It's a long island right it is Long Island .
AndyIt does not taste like what I think a Long Island should taste like , maybe a little heavy on the triple sec because it's quite citrusy . That might be what it is .
MattSo I did put a little extra sour in there . Oh , sour Okay .
RobIt's a little citrusy , but it tastes pretty similar to what I was expecting it to taste like .
AndySo the Long Island iced tea that I prepared , I made with top shelf alcohol . I didn't do shelf alcohol . I like how you adjusted your glasses .
MattYou said top shelf , yeah , so I did not do like when you go to applebee's , let's say , and you buy the you know four dollar long island and they just whatever they could scrape out of the bar to make it that's the best part of applebee's , yeah , so I wanted to make a decent long island , because the story is not and so when this segment of the podcast , this theme , was invented , this was the story that I've been kind of jonesing to tell for a little god help us all , and by us I mean me .
MattYeah , rob's a little nervous about this because this is arguably the stupidest thing Rob and I ever did , and let me tell you that is quite the pyramid to climb .
AndyI did just watch Rob's eyes go . That one , that one , no , no , not that one . It was like the Terminator going through the screen of options .
JeffAnd then immediately going .
ChristaOh dear God , no .
MattI know where this is going and I'm very concerned . So this was definitely early 20s , 21 , 22 , so a million years ago . And you can stop now . She's not wrong .
ChristaYou guys were all like , oh , is that even good ? You guys have what is this like 25 years For you guys 18 years ago .
Rob18 years ago , you didn't have to say that 18 years ago 18 long years ago I was 10 .
ChristaI was 10 years old .
MattBefore Krista hatched in the late Cretaceous . No , no , no , no , no , no , no In all seriousness .
RobIf we were 22 , the math of that would be 17 years ago .
MattYes , it would yeah .
RobAnd I think we were 22 .
MattYeah , the way that this occurred . If you've listened to this podcast before , you know what institution of ?
ChristaYeah , if you listened to this before . Why are you back ?
MattYou know what institution of higher learning I attended , so I'm going to leave it at that , before I put all the information into one story . They're number one . The way that this story occurred was that Rob and I were drinking at a bar that we've mentioned before called Wolfendale's .
RobIt wasn't just us though .
MattNo , there was another gentleman there . I'm going to let the other gentleman remain nameless , that's fine , I will reference him several times .
RobNo , I'm going to let the other gentleman remain nameless . That's fine , but I will reference him several times .
MattNo , there was a group of gentlemen . Yes , A group Gentlemen is strong . There was a group of people Yep , there you go . So we were drinking and it happened to be $1 . Long Island Iced Tea Night . And it was also $1 shot of some indiscriminate alcohol-made substance . No , those were $ dollars , those were two dollars . Yes , they were . Well , I'm glad you remember something from this evening .
RobI remember many things Dollar .
MattLong Island iced tea night Twelve dollars later . It was time for me to leave and I know that Rob and the other gentleman that was with us has spent a similar amount of money .
RobWell , hold on . Why was it time for you to leave ? If you're going to , if you go on .
MattWere you drunk in public , oh no , that was that night , wasn't it ? That was the night . Oh now , who doesn't remember ?
RobMatt comes out and he says , guys , we need to leave and I said what's wrong . And he said well , I may or may not have gotten sick , and I didn't quite make it to the toilet .
JeffSo if somebody finds that out , we're going to get kicked out .
MattSo , we need to . Yeah , yeah , so continue , just so you know , this story doesn't get any better . So we're leaving the bar and I'm feeling moderately better at that point .
ChristaWell , there's a reason for that it was only like seven dollars I threw up .
MattSo we're making our way back to my apartment and as we are , if you had to guess , right , how ?
Robhow far do you think of a walk it would have been if we went straight there ? We'll discuss it , okay .
MattOkay , as we're going , rob , sober as ever , decides to leapfrog several parking meters . Not sober , not at all , and he's leapfrogging and we're conversating and laughing and all of a sudden Rob hits one crotch first .
AndySquare to the beans Exactly what you expect .
MattNow , the amazing part about this was that the parking meter that he hit actually tilted forward when he hit it that way . That's right To which .
RobI replied .
ChristaThat's right , ladies . Sorry , he's taken .
AndyWe all watched the Olympics this summer .
ChristaOlympic sport Leaprogging parking meters .
JeffPole vaulting . I was going to say that Poor pole vaulter .
ChristaOh dude , he's legend , though he's legend for that .
AndyThe only person to lose and win at the same time . Oh yes , Truly .
MattSo Rob hits this parking meter crotch first . It leans forward and in my infinite drunken wisdom I say , hey , that would look great in my apartment .
RobYes , but first in my anger . Wait , that is not where I was expecting this to go .
ChristaHave you not heard this story .
AndyI have not heard this story .
JeffI know this story as many times as we have hung out .
AndyI've never heard this story . No , oh , I'm so excited . Oh , I'm so excited now , okay , okay , yeah , oh , I'm so excited , oh , I'm so excited now . Okay , okay , yeah , I know this story .
RobIt hits me in the crotch it hits me in the crotch and I'm angry so it's kind of bent , but I , Spartan , kicked the thing , Like you know this is Spartan , which had come out like a year before , and I kicked it and the whole thing like flops even more Right and Matt goes rip her out yeah , it's at that point that we realize that this parking meter is not cemented in the ground .
MattIt's in a pvc pipe , like it's just there . They were apparently going to come back a couple days later and cement it in , so it was brand new yep outstanding . So rob heaves this thing up and I say let's take it to my apartment .
RobSo rob , well , and as I heave it up , I do the obligatory sand people over top of my head . Yes , yes , there's a few important notes here .
MattThe first one is rob and the gentleman that was with us are both larger fellows . I am five foot seven .
RobThey are both closer to or over six feet tall , we were with an entire group of people , but , but you were talking about the three of us that wind up going separate .
MattThey pick up the parking meter and it is not light .
JeffThis is a change-filled parking meter .
MattThis is not the digital swipe cards , kiddies . This is when you just have to put a freaking quarter in the parking meter .
ChristaIs the bottom of it sharp ? No , it's just a round galvanized metal pole . I've heard this story before , but I never thought to ask if it was sharp at the bottom .
JeffThat you could rail something through with it .
RobProbably better off that it was not . That's what I mean . It was inside a PVC pole .
MattRight , so it was just in there and it was at this juncture .
AndySo if the bottom was sharp I would totally just walk around town jamming in the grass next to somebody's car Like ha ha , you didn't pay you gotta pay , yeah real .
MattSo it was at this juncture that Rob asked me a very important question , and that was how far is your apartment ? My response to Rob was two blocks . Now , I knew that was complete and utter bullshit and if I told him the truth , he was not going to haul his parking meter .
AndyFour blocks later Eight blocks across town .
MattIt was not going to happen , so I said it's two blocks . So Rob and our friend decided , started to schlep the parking meter , schlepping , now Schlep it Me , understanding that they are drunk and I can play this a little . We go two blocks , rob goes how much farther is it ? And I say two blocks , so we go two blocks . Rob says how much farther two blocks . So at this point we run into a problem .
RobNo , no , no , no , no , wait a second . At that point he goes two blocks and I say , hey , you said two blocks originally , we've gone almost six blocks now . Where is your actual apartment ? And he goes . Honestly , I just wanted to see how long it took you to get the car to stay . But now that you're on to me , I suppose we can go to my actual apartment .
ChristaIt's probably three to four blocks from here I suppose now we can go back home , dude at least you were walking in the right direction .
RobThe one thing that you're not also mentioning is that every time a car would walk by , we would drop it on the ground and keep walking . That's and then we would have to come back to it , that's's true To get it . So I was getting tired of all this , sure Go on .
MattSo we weren't drunk enough to disregard the laws that went with parking meter theft . We were aware that what we were doing was wrong , so let's put it that way . We knew . So we're carrying this parking meter and parking lot has a concrete divider down the middle and it's split into two pieces and for whatever reason this parking lot , you cannot go from side A to side B . It's not possible . So the left side of the parking lot will come into play in a minute . The right side of the parking lot is where we are , so we walk down the divider into the right side .
RobWell , and there was also a six foot hedge around the entirety of the lot Large hedge , so like we were not visible from the street , which I thought was brilliant , Because I was like , oh , if nobody could see us in the street , we don't have to keep putting this thing down .
MattGo on . Sorry , so important to note that I let us there and I was drunk . That's very important . So we get into this parking lot and we're walking across and we can see the edge and we see the hedge . So we'll think we'll just go over that hedge . And I know my apartment at that point is like a block and a half . We're fine . All of a sudden , behind us , red and blue lights .
ChristaSure , whoop , whoop , that's the sound of the police .
MattThat was exactly what we heard . That was what we saw . As we turned around , we realized that that the cruiser was on the other side of the lot , which meant to get to us . He couldn't drive straight , he had to go out one side . He had to come across from where he was out one side , come back up then get out of the car , then find us . This is where the grace of God occurs .
RobSo , as we are on that side of the lot , you want to talk about the Olympics ?
MattLet me describe this scene .
RobI love hearing this story from his perspective because I have a very particular perspective , sure , so we'll let him tell it first . Sure , sure , yes .
MattSo in front of me I watch two large gentlemen heave a parking meter into the bushes off to the right and take off like the starting pistol in the 100 meter for the Olympics just went off and I got to tell anybody that's listening . You have to understand that Rob is 5'11" . At the time I would guess 180 pounds .
RobOh God , I was heavier than that . Yeah , but yeah .
MattRob would have passed Usain Bolt and lapped him in the 100 meter . Like I can't tell you how fast this man run , he was just I've never run that fast in my life .
RobPop of cartoon smoke .
MattAnd I've never run that fast in my life . Pop of cartoon smoke and Rob was history . The other guy that was with us round about six foot a little over six foot Six . One , six , one , yeah , two , 60 ? There you go . Okay , he's a big boy that might be a little aggressive , I think a little less . I don't know , I'm guessing Took off as fast as Rob took off , like . I'm guessing took off as fast as Rob took off , like when I say these two guys , I mean just poof , sonic , boom gone . And then I'm like I should run too . So I start running and what I see in front of me is Rob go up in the air and then disappear . I see the gentleman that is in front of me , just pop through like a Mario pipe there .
AndyYeah , yeah , yeah , just boom , boom , boom . The end of the parking lot .
MattRob's gone , the gentleman that is in front of me . I realize that he has now grabbed something that is in midair that I cannot see because I'm drunk and nearsighted , and it's dark .
JeffSo I don't know what's going on .
MattAnd it's dark , but I see him kick his legs out in a very like Olympian . I'm getting over this hurdle type thing , Like I mean 10 out of 10 for style points . He disappears and I'm like , what am I going to ? And as this , that's literally the thought , what is I ? Hit a four and a half foot chain link fence chest first Hard enough that I upend myself over it and roll down the hill on the other side .
MattI mean , and I was running full tilt like this , this was as fast as my marching band self could propel on my feet . I hit this thing . I roll over now as I'm falling . I'm thinking I'm going to die , I'm gonna end up in jail I can't believe you never heard this story . I slide , I realized that I'm headed downhill , so when I cleared the fence , I'd be more impressed if you were going uphill .
MattWell , when I cleared the fence , I realized I'm still falling , which means there's a drop on the other side . I slide down knees and elbows onto concrete and I still have if you look at my elbows right there , those little red dots are from this story because I hit and I slid and I'm bleeding immediately over concrete and I look at my one friend who's running away from me , looking back like I'm willing to sacrifice him and I , I lean up and I say it's his fault , anyhow I say help me , help me , help me up .
MattAnd he looks at me and goes fuck you , you're on your own now .
AndyIn the meantime , help me drunky one kenobi . What , yeah , when I clear that fence .
MattWhen I clear that fence , he is nowhere in the same zip code that I am . At this point , we finally make it back to my apartment and rob is sitting on this staircase outside my door going hey guys , what took you so long ?
RobI am bleeding it from all four corners of my body . Let me tell you , I am bleeding from all four corners of my body .
MattLet me tell you , I am bleeding from all four corners of my body , and my favorite part about this was that Can we ?
Robpause Because I would like to tell my end .
MattI'll let you tell Before we converge again . Rob said it wasn't a hill .
AndyIt was a speed bump , you just tripped . You just suck In case .
MattSo I mentioned their heights . I am 5'7" . I am not a tall fellow . My favorite part about this story was in the student newspaper that Monday . This happened on a Friday . I opened it up and there's an article that says looking for three males that stole a parking meter and it was from exactly the block where we took it . All are over 6' two , approximately 250 pounds , last spotted this time of night and we went back the next day and they had taken the parking meter from where we threw it off the side of that parking lot and put it back to where it was supposed to be . Sure , so yeah , rob , your version , please . Okay .
RobOkay , so we're arguing that a car rolls into the parking lot Okay , just headlights . And Matt and the other person I almost said his name , matt and the other person are arguing over whether or not we can keep putting the meter down or not as every car comes by , or if we should just stop caring because we need to keep going , at which point I have already laid my end down and I see the red and blue go on and I run straight through the bushes . I'm sprinting as fast as I can . I keep looking back to see if they're coming . I don't see them . I don't see them , I don't see them . I look forward . Holy crap , there's a fence , okay , and I was like this is freedom or incarceration in my brain . So I hurdle this thing in a single bound and as I'm coming down , I realize that the opposite side of the fence is like a very sharp decline . So I go into a controlled role and I parkour that shit .
JeffI pop straight up Drunk ass park .
RobI pop , I pop straight up . Trunk ass parkour . Listen , I pop straight up , I'm sprinting , I run through another bush . I almost run into a lovely couple . I'm like it's the cops and they're like fuck you , dude . And I'm like , okay , cool . And then I'm sprinting and I realized know where his apartment is . But luckily for me in indiana , pennsylvania , at the time there was only one parking deck . Yep , oh , it was the tallest structure in the entire area probably still is , and it was half a block from his apartment .
RobSo I was like if I run towards the parking deck I'll find the apartment . So I run towards the parking deck , I I get to the apartment , I knock on the door . I'm trying to like open it . Everybody's at a different keg party so I'm like crap , I can't get in , I need to hide . So I'm hiding in this opener of stairwell waiting for them and I'm like where are they ? Did they get caught ? Like what is happening , it felt like an eternity . And then I hear Ron dude , like what is happening , it felt like an eternity .
RobAnd then I hear Ron dude and I peer out from behind the stairwell and I see them coming up the road . I'm like , oh , thank God , matt throws the key in , we get into his apartment . We slam the door behind us . Everybody's breathing heavily . I look at both of them . They're both covered in blood .
MattCovered . I was bleeding a lot , not a little bit . There's a lot of blood coming out of me .
RobMatt's clothes are completely ripped apart and he's just bleeding everywhere . Our other friend's bleeding from his elbows and I was like what is going on ?
AndyDid you guys not know how to tuck and roll ?
ChristaBob's like oh , you didn't clear the fence did you .
MattYou saved it over here .
RobThe sound barrier on the way , our other friend . I say what happened ? He goes . Well , no , no , no , I cleared the fence but I didn't realize that there was a hill and I tripped and I fell into the tree . Matt goes , I did not clear the fence , good God .
The After Story and God's Front Lawn
RobSo , anyway , we decide that the best course of action is to put on you have the after story . Yes , we decided the best course of action is to put on hoodies and sunglasses . Mind you , it's two in the morning , okay , hoodies and sunglasses .
JeffWe closed that bar .
RobHoodies and sunglasses and walk to the keg party that everybody else is at . Establish an alibi .
ChristaMatt , we've been here the whole time . What do you mean ? Matt Still bleeding ?
RobMatt , in his injured state , is still bleeding so I'm , I'm fireman , carrying him over my shoulder oh my god and I kick open the door and I yell medic and I just throw him into the party he's bleeding through his jeans they left .
MattThey left me on the sofa and the best part was the person's apartment that we went to knew me really well and he comes over . He looks at me and goes don't bleed on my couch . And then he walks away and I'm like that's all I get . And he comes back with two beers , just two full cellar cups . He just gives them to me . He goes you just don't move , you stay there , drink these .
RobYep , and then we had a great night .
MattYeah , the night did not end at that point it continued .
RobSo , we tell everybody the story , yeah , and the next morning we decide to go back and look for the parking meter where we disposed of it , in the bushes .
AndyYep .
RobAnd here's the kicker If any one of us was sober , we didn't have to deal with the fence at all . We could have run straight down this alley . But I was running like left or right to left and jumped this fence for no reason at all . And those idiots just followed me because as they came out of the bush they saw me go over the fence . They were like we're going to go that way . We didn't have to deal with any of that .
MattAll I saw and you and I have had this conversation I saw my parents faces in my head and all I knew was run or you're going to die , Dude why do you think that I was faster than you've ever seen me be in my entire life ?
RobI know I was like my parents can't find out about this at all , and now it's public , so that's fun .
ChristaHi mom and dad .
RobLove you guys . I'm a responsible adult now . Thank you very much . Why are you listening to ? This Stop listening right now . Hey , to a clean record . Hey , cheers . I can't toast to that .
AndyI don't got it , you don't got it , I don't have a clean . Well , my record's been expunged now , but hey to expunging .
MattTo expunge Once again what . What just happened . So Is there here , or are we just getting in ? We're just diving in .
AndyBecause the thing is , I've always been a dumbass and I guess most people have that filter that says like hey , stupid , don't do that . I never really had that , so there wasn't much difference between me being drunk and stupid and regular and stupid . So , me and one of my friends decided we were joking . God , this was back in high school . Actually , it was months , just months before I went . I shipped to basic training , me and my buddy . We were joking about who had the faster car .
ChristaOh no , I had a .
AndyFord tourist station wagon .
ChristaFirst of all , you did not , which was a great car by the way , good car my aunt used to have one of those she .
RobEmery Emery .
ChristaI know her had a .
AndyDodge Neon . She wins that round . Not a great car , no , but Smaller . So we kept joking about who had the better shitty car Right . So we kept joking about who had the better shitty car right . And this all came to a head when , in an abandoned parking lot , we decided to jokingly street race Jokingly Like neither one of us got above five miles an hour . It was completely joking around right Abandoned parking lot , Nobody else around . Cop was bored and saw us .
ChristaOh no , Speed racing at five miles an hour .
AndyWe got charged with disorderly conduct in lieu of street racing .
RobDude , are you kidding me ?
AndyThankfully they didn't give me the full street racing charge . That was like full blown loss of license .
RobGoodbye license yeah .
AndyBut I got disorderly conduct in lieu of street racing . Oh no , that sucks . And because you cannot go to basic training with any charges pending , I had to plead guilty and pay the fine and move on with my life , or I would have not been able to go to basic training .
ChristaLook at you now , sir . You know what Girl get something better to do Get a life sir . Honestly be so for real right now Five miles an hour .
MattI mean you could have gone after the guys with a parking meter . Yeah , no .
AndyIt was like total joking around . Literally nobody was around , so there was no chance of anybody getting hurt .
MattI'll give myself this because I enjoyed the Long Island and I'm just handing them out like Pez today .
RobYeah , stellar sin you know , you could have let one of us give that to you . It would have felt less self-serving . Yeah , it was less self-serving .
AndyI can do it again . I'll say it was tasty . It's not what I think a Long Island should taste like Interesting .
MattWell , the funny part is I made it with like top shelf and great Like I made it with top shelf alcohol Maybe that's the mess up , shitty Long .
ChristaIsland . One time when I was in college I went to a Long Island night at a local bar with my friend , who I guess I shouldn't name .
RobThere's a lot of that going around today .
ChristaThat night ended with her throwing up in front of the chapel of our school . I only remember being like no , not on God's front lawn .
RobThis episode is now called God's front lawn . Thank you very much for this .
MattNot on God's front lawn On God's front lawn .
AndyCommunion gone wrong , oh my God yeah right . It was a funny night .
ChristaIt was a funny night . I couldn't even finish the long island that I had . I had to hand it off to a different friend because I was like I don't know where she went and I gotta go find her ass .
MattSo this is yours now and my other friend I handed it to was like cool , see you on Monday . I was like , see you on Monday , girl . I appreciate how you were very concerned about your friend's well-being and you weren't waiting at the top of the staircase . Yeah , he was alive she was .
ChristaShe threw up in the bar as well , so I thought she was gonna walk into traffic . So I was like I should go find her , because the bar we were on was on a semi-busy street . So I was like if she walks into the street she's dead . I gotta go find her . And she did cross the street by herself and walked half a block to God's front lawn you know what , friends , I'll do the final toast of the episode here to God's front lawn to God's front lawn .
Jeffthere we go , Bling , bling , bling bling , bling , bling .
RobWe'll see you next time .
MattStellar set
Outro, Boozy Quote, Podcast Information
Matt.
RobThis podcast is a production of Unfiltered Studios . If you would like to know more about joining Unfiltered Studios , please visit our website at unfpodcom for more information visit our website at unfpodcom for more information .
MattThis episode's boozy quote comes from the great comedian George Carlin , who said one tequila , two tequila , three tequila . Floor On social media . Please like , follow and push all the buttons for us . That's Matt and Friends DTU . At Facebook , instagram Threads and TikTok For more information about the podcast , as well as links to our merch store , social media and all the places you can listen to us . Visit our website mattandfriendsdtucom . That's mattandfriendsdtucom . Thank you again for listening to Matt and Friends Drink the Universe .
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